The mc has no personality. The Ones and Abeloth have been introduced into the story, for seemingly no reason yet, at chapter 10. The story feels rushed and undeveloped in places as well. The quality of the writing is also isn’t great.
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ever heard of Foreshadowing and Time Travel and Force Visions? clearly not
Ever heard of pacing, development and correct timing. Clearly not. I’m not sure what bring up time travel and force visions is meant to say. I never criticised your stories continuity or it’s lore aspects, in fact you seem to have a great understanding of Star Wars lore as a whole. My problems come from your writing techniques and your stories structure. Just because it makes sense in terms of the story does mean it’s a good idea, such as (as an example this obviously isn’t related to your story) if an mc was assassinated by Palpatine because he had a force vision of them messing up his plans. This would make sense in terms of the story but is a terrible idea for obvious reasons. I am going to assume that you mentioned foreshadowing because of my mention of Abeloth. If that is your idea of foreshadowing, then I am terrified by what you think unsubtle is.
Knight_Riku:ever heard of Foreshadowing and Time Travel and Force Visions? clearly not
its foreshadowing cause reason she is after him. a story needs a clear u declining objective and antagonistic force for the prrotagonist. this happening this early in the story does just that in a unexpected way for the readers and it would happen if anyone even you were reincarnated in his position. also as for my writing, I am putting about 30% to 40% of my effort into it. I simply font have enough time to Improve and edit it and so what u all are reading is ge raw 1st draft. for my actual book series I plan to sell that I am doing, I go over all of it about 7 times, improving and editing it every time to achieve perfection in grammer and sentence structures. I do not have the time for star wars or anything in general as I do Labour and am very tired from the work. especially recently I got kicked out of my home by my family and had to deal with all that stuff even prior to it.
BLEH_Hed:Ever heard of pacing, development and correct timing. Clearly not. I’m not sure what bring up time travel and force visions is meant to say. I never criticised your stories continuity or it’s lore aspects, in fact you seem to have a great understanding of Star Wars lore as a whole. My problems come from your writing techniques and your stories structure. Just because it makes sense in terms of the story does mean it’s a good idea, such as (as an example this obviously isn’t related to your story) if an mc was assassinated by Palpatine because he had a force vision of them messing up his plans. This would make sense in terms of the story but is a terrible idea for obvious reasons. I am going to assume that you mentioned foreshadowing because of my mention of Abeloth. If that is your idea of foreshadowing, then I am terrified by what you think unsubtle is.
