webnovel
Bruscar
BruscarLv103yr
2022-04-21 08:24

I've only read until chapter 3 for a simple reason, you gave him too many wishes and that makes him uncomfortable along with various things you don't explain at the time. like where your money comes from. and putting his beloved also with many powers, I don't feel that it looks good. Sure, maybe you'll explain it later, but those things get awkward. the rest seems quite good to me, your writing is comfortable and the idea itself is not bad, but the way is not correct. my recommendation, the theme of wishes should be simple, but easy to understand, and if it is possible not to op from the beginning but to give it a development, that when you read it you feel that the protagonist earned what he got. And another piece of advice I can give you is to try to explain everything at the time and in a simple way. that is, try to use the least amount of words but explain it as much as possible. something simple is easier to work, something complicated will only confuse the readers.

Star Wars: Rise of Mandalore

Knight_Riku
4.1
115 Chs

Liked by 50 people

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Replies4
Knight_Riku
Knight_RikuAuthor

Hmm. Thx for that. I did get few comments about the way I explained wishes. I'll re-edit it soon to make it more simplistic and understandable.

3yr
17
Allevatore_dicapre
Allevatore_dicapreLv12

hm the discord link says It has expires

Knight_Riku:Hmm. Thx for that. I did get few comments about the way I explained wishes. I'll re-edit it soon to make it more simplistic and understandable.
2yr
4
Iron_Man_3000
Iron_Man_3000Lv14

Hmmm….

Knight_Riku:Hmm. Thx for that. I did get few comments about the way I explained wishes. I'll re-edit it soon to make it more simplistic and understandable.
2yr
7
BrianG9677
BrianG9677Lv15

have you re edited it yet been 11month since you posted the comment

Knight_Riku:Hmm. Thx for that. I did get few comments about the way I explained wishes. I'll re-edit it soon to make it more simplistic and understandable.
2yr
3
Other Reviews
JokerHighJack
JokerHighJackLv10

Story is very good an i am actually really interested to see where things go. However the one problem i do have with this fanfic is the spelling and grammar. Every Paragraph it feels like there is something misspelled or written incorrectly. Other then that i think this is great.

2yr

Knight_Riku
Knight_RikuAuthor

Review what u think. Chapter 27 is when episode 1 events begin. .

3yr
LeyMerSen
LeyMerSenLv13

Very messy writing. Too many thing added that seems unnecessary. The story itself is good. But all that is ruined by the bad writing, from speeling mistakes to the way the story is written.

2yr
IWant2DieALilMore
IWant2DieALilMoreLv14

I only made it to chapter 9. Its very interesting, but also extremely boring, because the writing format is like you are ready journal entries. I was cool with the page long "wish", but there is no interactions with other characters/canon people lol. Its more of what he/she "is feeling/thinking/or overall situation awareness like what the scene is supposed to be perceived as. This is fulfillment which is perfectly ok, but I don't how to explain it correctly, but it feels hollow/empty of anything but people actions, but no emotions for said actions.

2yr
BLAH_Led
BLAH_LedLv14

The mc has no personality. The Ones and Abeloth have been introduced into the story, for seemingly no reason yet, at chapter 10. The story feels rushed and undeveloped in places as well. The quality of the writing is also isn’t great.

2yr
JustAlitleShadow
JustAlitleShadowLv4

I have never read a book this good organized and just logical ITs as if its a novel But better! He makes not many errors anf if there are errors they are not hindering the experience at al This is probably the best book i have read on this platform!

2yr
Necromancer_12345
Necromancer_12345Lv14

It’s an amazing book, don’t get me wrong. Probably one of the better starwars fanfics out there but please, for the love of all that is Holly, run what you wright through grammerly it spell check it something because that is the only probalem. That and how could you kill space Jesus?!?!

2yr
The_forgotten_ones
The_forgotten_onesLv4

I'm trying so hard to read this i love how it is and what your trying to do the only thing that is hurting this for me is that it's star wars and I'm not that big of a star wars fan.

2yr
CouchPotatoDandy
CouchPotatoDandyLv5

I've till chapter 3 and I honestly can't say if this is a good fanfic or not. Though for me I personally don't like those fanfics where the MC already have his female partner already decided on the first chapter of the story. It reduces the thrill and anticipation for me.

5mth
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