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GotaDeAgua
GotaDeAguaLv42yr
2022-04-20 15:07

Following your story I would understand and accept the death of some important characters such as Ron and Harry, since you decided to have a very bad start with Hermione. Now, you are not aware that each interaction with the main characters generates a change for the story in general. I know that the personality is not definitive and evolves to adapt, and I cannot accept in my mind the evolution so fierce in the last 10 chapters of your novel. Not to mention that he considers adding Harem into the story which is not personally suitable for Harry Potter.

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Emanuel_Alegre
Emanuel_AlegreAuthor

Thanks for the review. The story was changed brutally, and I've tried to think about how to fix it but that would mean rewriting a lot of it and many details I wouldn't like to change, besides taking a lot of time. The story was very different at first, in the end Harry and Ron ended up in a relationship with the Patil twins, as a kind of joke. I don't know if I should take my time to rewrite the beginning, since what I currently have is the background of the first story that I wanted to write with the personality of the character of the second story.

GotaDeAgua
GotaDeAguaLv4

I like the Ron Weasley twin brother thing, I also like that he was in Slytherin and it made sense that he was rejected as not being considered true blood due to his family history. The mistake that turned your story into a series of mistake after mistake is writing your character as a reincarnated adult. The personality doesn't match what he writes... I would have thought of it like this: I'm in Harry Potter, because 'something' went wrong. I can't express my emotions like I used to. I don't feel anything and I can't pretend to feel anything either, I can't pretend and it's not that I care about being accepted by others. Every year that passes he can improve, and when he can express himself as he wants it is too late, his brothers reject him and he is not well liked by others. Now, what is better for the end? To die for the only person who accepted him despite his mistakes. In your case it can be any friend or love interest. There is no solution, just consider your mistakes and improve to be a writer who learned his mistakes.

Emanuel_Alegre:Thanks for the review. The story was changed brutally, and I've tried to think about how to fix it but that would mean rewriting a lot of it and many details I wouldn't like to change, besides taking a lot of time. The story was very different at first, in the end Harry and Ron ended up in a relationship with the Patil twins, as a kind of joke. I don't know if I should take my time to rewrite the beginning, since what I currently have is the background of the first story that I wanted to write with the personality of the character of the second story.
Other Reviews
FinnsRevenge
FinnsRevengeLv4

I only read up to the part where MC sits in Hermione's cabin on the train but thats as far as I needed. The MC has the emotional range of a brick if he isn't talking to what I'm going to assume are future harem members(Luna, Ginny, Hermione so far) After checking the Harem Quiz and saw a unicorn was a viable and voted for option I decided against further reading. You might be thinking "Red Weasley" is a kind of nickname or epitaph but it isn't. The MC threw a huge fit over his name "Nicholas Leopold Weasley" and wanted something edgy and unique and after a long process had his name legally and magically changed to Red. His three wishes were unique and interesting and I rather enjoyed the aura/essence and the mini skills as a pseudo-gamer ability without levels and stats but the blood magic apparently changed MC enough that he has hair the color of wet blood, and red eyes. Naturally such a character should have the name Red. If I could give less than 1 star for character design I absolutely would. Some good parts of the story, so you and others don't feel like there was nothing good, were the merchant. I liked the idea of it and how it was handled with getting stock to where the sold products were sent. Luna being Luna and being able to pry some emotions out of the brick was fitting and their interactions with her parents was nice. Author I get you had your own reasons for wanting his name to be Red but I feel like it could have been handled better in the story than just spazzing out over it like he did.

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