Following your story I would understand and accept the death of some important characters such as Ron and Harry, since you decided to have a very bad start with Hermione. Now, you are not aware that each interaction with the main characters generates a change for the story in general. I know that the personality is not definitive and evolves to adapt, and I cannot accept in my mind the evolution so fierce in the last 10 chapters of your novel. Not to mention that he considers adding Harem into the story which is not personally suitable for Harry Potter.
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LIKEThanks for the review. The story was changed brutally, and I've tried to think about how to fix it but that would mean rewriting a lot of it and many details I wouldn't like to change, besides taking a lot of time. The story was very different at first, in the end Harry and Ron ended up in a relationship with the Patil twins, as a kind of joke. I don't know if I should take my time to rewrite the beginning, since what I currently have is the background of the first story that I wanted to write with the personality of the character of the second story.
I like the Ron Weasley twin brother thing, I also like that he was in Slytherin and it made sense that he was rejected as not being considered true blood due to his family history. The mistake that turned your story into a series of mistake after mistake is writing your character as a reincarnated adult. The personality doesn't match what he writes... I would have thought of it like this: I'm in Harry Potter, because 'something' went wrong. I can't express my emotions like I used to. I don't feel anything and I can't pretend to feel anything either, I can't pretend and it's not that I care about being accepted by others. Every year that passes he can improve, and when he can express himself as he wants it is too late, his brothers reject him and he is not well liked by others. Now, what is better for the end? To die for the only person who accepted him despite his mistakes. In your case it can be any friend or love interest. There is no solution, just consider your mistakes and improve to be a writer who learned his mistakes.
Emanuel_Alegre:Thanks for the review. The story was changed brutally, and I've tried to think about how to fix it but that would mean rewriting a lot of it and many details I wouldn't like to change, besides taking a lot of time. The story was very different at first, in the end Harry and Ron ended up in a relationship with the Patil twins, as a kind of joke. I don't know if I should take my time to rewrite the beginning, since what I currently have is the background of the first story that I wanted to write with the personality of the character of the second story.