Writing quality is good, formating is a bit off like dialougue but its not unreadable. Main problems are forced plot points and power scaling. The MC before meeting Luffy is consistently beating the strongest slaves in Mary Geoise and is muscled and very strong. Yet In the next arc he gets tripped by normal people and kicked by Nezumi. He can catch bullets but wood cuts him? Also the insane amount of abuse makes no sense for one peice. He is in East Blue- ShoulD be the strongest by a large margin and is basically a doormat until the plot requires him. As far as i have read it is a rehash of cannon with a useless MC.
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You are too dumb to even understand what im trying to write 🤦🏼♂️
well, i tough thirteen already learn haki?
Monkey_Godking:You are too dumb to even understand what im trying to write 🤦🏼♂️
No he cant use it consciously
Lotus79:well, i tough thirteen already learn haki?
oke, i wonder why mc not use haki when fighting, so that the answer. to bad this review is perfunctory, maybe he has only read one chapter
Monkey_Godking:No he cant use it consciously
Bc he cant use all his power bc of the other him and this guy cant read dont worry about it
Lotus79:oke, i wonder why mc not use haki when fighting, so that the answer. to bad this review is perfunctory, maybe he has only read one chapter
cant you make 'good' thirteen less brutal and not kill every enemy he facing, and i think this to make him different from 'bad' thirteen
Monkey_Godking:Bc he cant use all his power bc of the other him and this guy cant read dont worry about it
Dunno I just got vibe neither of them are specifically “good” like he is pretty selfish and does what he wants as he doesn’t understand concept of good and bad cos he was slave for most his life. His main role models were other slaves and celestial dragons who *kill anything they don’t like or annoys them* which he sort of copies. Maybe potential for character development by someone who can be a sort of father figure explaining to him like maybe get Rayleigh to do it at saobaody or training arc if monkey saves whitebeard and ace he can train with whitebeard and gain a father figure and ace will accept him for helping luffy save him from execution?? (Yes a pirate explains morals)
Lotus79:cant you make 'good' thirteen less brutal and not kill every enemy he facing, and i think this to make him different from 'bad' thirteen
???
Monkey_Godking:You are too dumb to even understand what im trying to write 🤦🏼♂️
He doesnt do anything to the marines on cocoyashi because he doesnt want them to hurt nami he can always escape from the marines why would he risk namis life for nothing? What if theres other marines and they call for reinforcements from the ship? Use your brain man also forced plot points dont exist idk what youre talking about im making the plot obviously the plot will go the way i want?
bigpollo:???
Who love interest ??? And can he turn into a werewolf something ??? Like he turns white and glows or something.
Monkey_Godking:He doesnt do anything to the marines on cocoyashi because he doesnt want them to hurt nami he can always escape from the marines why would he risk namis life for nothing? What if theres other marines and they call for reinforcements from the ship? Use your brain man also forced plot points dont exist idk what youre talking about im making the plot obviously the plot will go the way i want?
O.o
I_LOVE_MEGUMIN:Who love interest ??? And can he turn into a werewolf something ??? Like he turns white and glows or something.
? ?? ??
Monkey_Godking:O.o
What do you mean can he turn into a werewolf have you read anything? Hello? Do you know what one piece is?
I_LOVE_MEGUMIN:? ?? ??
Like this. And btw who love interest ?? ? I don't read much one piece but I watch one piece in my free time. But haven't been watching lately.
Monkey_Godking:What do you mean can he turn into a werewolf have you read anything? Hello? Do you know what one piece is?
Your picture has both answers
I_LOVE_MEGUMIN:Like this. And btw who love interest ?? ? I don't read much one piece but I watch one piece in my free time. But haven't been watching lately.image
Forced plot is a writing tool where things occur only because the plot calls for it and they usually go against thr logic of the character or the narrative. Another word used is plot amour but that is too constrictive of a word to use for this. About the nami thing, first at that point they aren’t truly close and the bs rule that somehow hurting the marines would hurt her doesn’t work. he is a monster and should act as such right? A murderous animal that was a freed slave who won’t back down to his captors or their dogs. it seems that you like to put a character in abusive situations and keep them there. idk why but that is the feeling i recieve when reading. I Am sure you fixed this later and i assume you actually don’t write cannon for the entire story, but this interaction has soured the book for me and I hope that you understand that allthough you are the writer and the mastermind of this story, the readers interpreatation matters all the more as we have read not only similar stories but the story that you base your entire universe in.
Monkey_Godking:He doesnt do anything to the marines on cocoyashi because he doesnt want them to hurt nami he can always escape from the marines why would he risk namis life for nothing? What if theres other marines and they call for reinforcements from the ship? Use your brain man also forced plot points dont exist idk what youre talking about im making the plot obviously the plot will go the way i want?
Carrot is the love interest...😑 Sigh...
Monkey_Godking:Your picture has both answers
surely or you're book made zero sense in terms of power scale
Monkey_Godking:You are too dumb to even understand what im trying to write 🤦🏼♂️
an example of this is vivi she is wayyy too strong
Godfrey_the_Human:surely or you're book made zero sense in terms of power scale
vivi is member of D clan , makes sense she can become strong
Godfrey_the_Human:an example of this is vivi she is wayyy too strong
