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DaoistMade
DaoistMadeLv153yr
2021-08-25 21:39

The storyline is very unique and creative so I really applaud the author for his creative mind but there's still a lot of work to be done to the writing itself. As nice as the character development and plot development is, I realized that there are a lot of redundant elements in the story; especially in chapter one. There was a lot of repetitions of the four girls, a lot of repetitions of descriptions (for example, the blue haired girl with short length blue hair. As you've already said she had blue hair, you didn't need to repeat it) However, apart from those, the writing was beautiful. I love the introduction to the characters and how they each have their varied attributes and behaviours. And I love the construction of your sentences. I just think you could put a bit more descriptions and expand on the personal thoughts of the characters. Wonderful work, please keep it up author!

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CCP_ARE_RETARDED
CCP_ARE_RETARDEDLv2

DONT READ !!!!! THIS STUPID !!!!!! RETARD NOVEL !!!!!! AUTHOR PLEASE KILL YOUR SELF DONT READ !!!!! THIS STUPID !!!!!! RETARD NOVEL !!!!!! AUTHOR PLEASE KILL YOUR SELF

jmori2010
jmori2010Lv15

wah, caps lock. Why the hate, is there NTR? If you're going to diss a novel, at least have the decency to explain why you dislike it. BTW is this harem?

CCP_ARE_RETARDED:DONT READ !!!!! THIS STUPID !!!!!! RETARD NOVEL !!!!!! AUTHOR PLEASE KILL YOUR SELF DONT READ !!!!! THIS STUPID !!!!!! RETARD NOVEL !!!!!! AUTHOR PLEASE KILL YOUR SELF
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CCP_ARE_RETARDEDLv2

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