webnovel
kuhaku_sora
kuhaku_soraAuthor3yr
2021-08-24 12:40

Do tell me guys if you want a discord channgel for this story. I know a great and talented artist that could bring this story into life (if we have the time). I could also give out some clues or hints about the next events of the story. I could even ask for your insights or things you want to include in the story! And of course, even haters are invited inside my channel (if I ever make one). They too are humans, and should have a great time!

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Other Reviews
Ainz_02
Ainz_02Lv2

overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage overall garbage

ChronosMrk1
ChronosMrk1Lv14

So there are a lot of things that can be improved upon. The writing itself is serviceable; as in there are no glaring mistakes except it being pretty poorly written and not reading too well. The information isn't presented in a satisfying way at all. It's mostly just info and exposition dumps. Better to first create intrigue then reveal things bit by bit, more through actions and dialogue than just prose. One of the biggest problems is that your suspension of disbelief really needs to be taken for a ride for you to enjoy this. He calls himself his real name but it stated that he's also somehow anonymous. No cares about anything but the game to the degree that parents don't care about their children even. Somehow broken glasses cause the MC to have "slashes all over his body" and he doesn't care since they'll "heal on their own". No, and infection? You could say that he doesn't care about the chances of infection but you didn't. Somehow he's one of the top ranked players in a game that has over taken the whole world but no one knows him. He gets electricuted and tried to touch some leather to save himself? What. And this was all in the first two chapters. Also he was injured after being transported but there's no HP damage. Lots of stuff like that.MC literally states his goals. "Be a hero people depend on." Please no, show don't tell ffs. Uses of metaphors in dialogue is weird. It's done often as well. Everything has a stilted and unnatural feeling to it. As far as originality goes there is barely any. A whole scene was copied, lines from movies are taken wholesale. Strange choices for a novel.Strange exaggerations like saying some extras laugh is something you'll never forget, or a normal village is compared to a painting of angles. Descriptions like these retroactively downplay any memorable scenes in the future. If you describe the mundane in such a way how will you describe something actually important or supposedly breathtaking. Generally it's written strangely with mismatched descriptions and metaphors, like describing a 40-50 yr old man as a youngster, or a brother describing her sisters eyes like "stars in the sky" in casual conversation, etc, etc.A lot more I can say but you get the gist. All together it's not that bad I guess.

K8ngxz
K8ngxzLv10
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