webnovel
Aeternabilis
AeternabilisLv143yr
2021-06-30 19:33

The major problem with this is how you have gone about the love life of the mc. If you did it naturally and made them come together organically cool. However, you are talking about it as if they are trophies to pick and choose from (the mc) This is a 30-year-old planning to win a 5-year-olds heart before even meeting her... If they met and got together great but the fact he has to plan about it etc rly turns me off of the story. Another, thing this adds into is just how the mc dialogs with himself way too much to the point I am just skimming through parts to acc get to the point he was talking about. Waffling to much. SO yeah

Liked by 21 people

LIKE
Replies8
Aht
AhtAuthor

Thanks for the review! Sure it may seem that way, but that's because I decided on Serena being the main wife of this fanfic from the stsrt, instead of him being indecisive. What's wrong with having mc plan it out? Did you forget how easily Setena fell in love with Ash? All mc is trying to do is prevent them from meeting together. Ash saved Serena from a potential poliwag attack, helped her knee injury and carried her back. Ash won't be doing that here. As for MC monologing a lot, yeah that's the style of this fanfic. I'm making it first person, and I have comedy tag on it soooo Idk lol.

LightNeyer
LightNeyerLv1

I don't know what you think is morally right or not but that's child grooming, and if you don't see anything wrong with that then you seriously need help by having a conversation with a therapist.

Aht:Thanks for the review! Sure it may seem that way, but that's because I decided on Serena being the main wife of this fanfic from the stsrt, instead of him being indecisive. What's wrong with having mc plan it out? Did you forget how easily Setena fell in love with Ash? All mc is trying to do is prevent them from meeting together. Ash saved Serena from a potential poliwag attack, helped her knee injury and carried her back. Ash won't be doing that here. As for MC monologing a lot, yeah that's the style of this fanfic. I'm making it first person, and I have comedy tag on it soooo Idk lol.
calsion
calsionLv3

nah bro thinks child grooming is good but im still gonna read it lol

Aht:Thanks for the review! Sure it may seem that way, but that's because I decided on Serena being the main wife of this fanfic from the stsrt, instead of him being indecisive. What's wrong with having mc plan it out? Did you forget how easily Setena fell in love with Ash? All mc is trying to do is prevent them from meeting together. Ash saved Serena from a potential poliwag attack, helped her knee injury and carried her back. Ash won't be doing that here. As for MC monologing a lot, yeah that's the style of this fanfic. I'm making it first person, and I have comedy tag on it soooo Idk lol.
AzureFluteFan2
AzureFluteFan2Lv4

My brother in Christ this is a full grown man trying to get a child to fall for him

Aht:Thanks for the review! Sure it may seem that way, but that's because I decided on Serena being the main wife of this fanfic from the stsrt, instead of him being indecisive. What's wrong with having mc plan it out? Did you forget how easily Setena fell in love with Ash? All mc is trying to do is prevent them from meeting together. Ash saved Serena from a potential poliwag attack, helped her knee injury and carried her back. Ash won't be doing that here. As for MC monologing a lot, yeah that's the style of this fanfic. I'm making it first person, and I have comedy tag on it soooo Idk lol.
Ireallylikereading
IreallylikereadingLv4

this is Fiction so the age range and morals can be flexible, except old looking gals and obviously toddlers like what the heck. i kinda get your point though since the incident with ash and her will only happen at a young age and by the time she grows up you wont have that chance

Aht:Thanks for the review! Sure it may seem that way, but that's because I decided on Serena being the main wife of this fanfic from the stsrt, instead of him being indecisive. What's wrong with having mc plan it out? Did you forget how easily Setena fell in love with Ash? All mc is trying to do is prevent them from meeting together. Ash saved Serena from a potential poliwag attack, helped her knee injury and carried her back. Ash won't be doing that here. As for MC monologing a lot, yeah that's the style of this fanfic. I'm making it first person, and I have comedy tag on it soooo Idk lol.
Ireallylikereading
IreallylikereadingLv4

in fiction things can be flexible cause of circumstance and common sense, thats why people really shouldnt use what they believe is right and normal when reading fiction, take pokemon for example- it was said that pokemon human marriages used to be quite common, there are even more abnormals things than that in our view in pokemon but are just the usual there. i used to be just like you back then, thinking with our worlds common sense and morals until i read that novel and got roasted, the novels mc is just 7 years old yet he is in a loving and sexual relationship with a lady whose over 100 years old, the mc is human so he looked the part while the lady was elven in that novel so she also looked and acted more like a child, when i got triggered at the time some guy explained to me how to the elves of that place a hundred years old is like a 10 year old, and due to the environment and way of life in that world, early marriages had to be a norm unless they wanted to have their race extinct, of course i argued with him and in the end multiple roasts later i finally relented and stopped thinking so stifly, i thought since sibling relationships used to be widely practiced in medievel times with the nobles and are still around in alabama, then early marriages arent all that different especially when you add up the foreign factors such as magic, touki, chakra, nen, aliens, sci-fi, espers, wars, and etc you get the gist. sorry for the long read i just felt like telling you a warning and about my thoughts

AzureFluteFan2:My brother in Christ this is a full grown man trying to get a child to fall for him
image
Ireallylikereading
IreallylikereadingLv4

its ok not to like it or even hate it, just please try to understand from their perspective like i told you in the last comment.

AzureFluteFan2:My brother in Christ this is a full grown man trying to get a child to fall for him
image
AzureFluteFan2
AzureFluteFan2Lv4

That doesn’t change the fact that, what was once a full grown adult, is preemptively trying to get a human child to fall for him. It’s creepy af. As for the Elf thing, nah they’re just trying to justify that. Even 40 year old elves in most fictional stories still act like adults. Even with their long life spans, 100 years old is plenty of time to mature. If they still act like a child at that age, at that point it’s just a personality quirk. Besides, this isn’t in the Middle Ages. This takes place in an advanced civilization in which technology and medicine is very advanced. That book in Sinnoh says they USED to get married. Emphasis on the past tense word in there. Just because a bunch of people say it, doesn’t mean it’s right. Don’t forget this place is filled to the brim with degenerates that would love nothing more than to look for their next favorite harem book where the females are all 2D cardboard cutouts with tig ol’ bitties and hourglass figures that fall for the MC he second they see them. Their opinions hardly matter.

Ireallylikereading:in fiction things can be flexible cause of circumstance and common sense, thats why people really shouldnt use what they believe is right and normal when reading fiction, take pokemon for example- it was said that pokemon human marriages used to be quite common, there are even more abnormals things than that in our view in pokemon but are just the usual there. i used to be just like you back then, thinking with our worlds common sense and morals until i read that novel and got roasted, the novels mc is just 7 years old yet he is in a loving and sexual relationship with a lady whose over 100 years old, the mc is human so he looked the part while the lady was elven in that novel so she also looked and acted more like a child, when i got triggered at the time some guy explained to me how to the elves of that place a hundred years old is like a 10 year old, and due to the environment and way of life in that world, early marriages had to be a norm unless they wanted to have their race extinct, of course i argued with him and in the end multiple roasts later i finally relented and stopped thinking so stifly, i thought since sibling relationships used to be widely practiced in medievel times with the nobles and are still around in alabama, then early marriages arent all that different especially when you add up the foreign factors such as magic, touki, chakra, nen, aliens, sci-fi, espers, wars, and etc you get the gist. sorry for the long read i just felt like telling you a warning and about my thoughts
Other Reviews
Sir_Yabas_III
Sir_Yabas_IIILv12
Zhelander
ZhelanderLv4

I want to like it but I just can't. The story is incredible inconsistent. First we waste 7-10 chapters to introduce some character that we will not see until the MC goes to a new region but then use only 4 to explore the summer camp and 1 to time skip the MC 5 10 years stay in Alola. Brilliant. Then the worth of reincarnation points is completely pointless. The whole point of this fic is that the MC died, decided to not use his reincarnation point and used them anyway. The thing is that having a perfectly fit body that doesn't get ill is like 10 points (out of 650 that he had) but he uses 500 to get an alolan vulpix. A vulpix that later everyone decides to get. With that many point he should have gotten a legendary minimun. Not like it would have mattered. Finally, the world. It's bs and a power trip for the author. The MC is very clearly a SI (if anything because sometime the author forgets about it and talks about himself doing things in place of the MC). Everyone gets a shiny as a starter. Also the first time that he goes to capture pokemon they capture another 2. Of course every single pokemon with two 31ivs or more. Like any fantasy fulfilling protagonist every legendary loves him and gives him things. The second pokemon that he gets is already one. The worst thing is how we skip pretty darn important things. We never saw his starter evolve, and he doesn't even use it. Preffering to use newly capture pokemons. Probably because this isn't the type of fic where the MC slowly and carefully construct his team, but a catch 'em all like with Ash. Before the first gym the MC already has his team full.

Not_Fun_
Not_Fun_Lv4

🍷 Reading Diary 🍷 Chapters 1-25 | First Impressions. BORING! Too much unnecessary info dumping. Literally had 3 to 5 of ONLY introducing characters that could be introduced in a single chapter later on. That's pretty bad writing, IMO. Nevertheless, at least with all this info dumping at he start of the novel, we get to know a lot about what the future holds for us. Is it going to focus on the anime? Manga? The games? A mix of the three? What about the regions? The limitations Pokemon have in battle (PP, Max. amount of moves, EV, IV, etc)? And the usual questions we have when reading a pokemon fic. The writing is... well, decent? It has many simple mistakes, like: o e (meant to be "one"), mixing up the name of characters, and some other typos. Nothing that makes the novel unreadable, but the mistakes are there. The MC is a mystery to me. Didn't like how he talks like a middle-aged person and no one talks about it, even though he's only 4 years old. However, I like his personality, so it's a 50/50 for me. The plot is still uncertain. He has no end goal, really. At least for now. His first battle shouldn't have happened the way it did, imo. You'll understand once you get there. The way he reincarnated is full of inconsistencies and question marks. Didn't really like it. In his previous life, he accumulated 600 and something Good Karma. The limit is 1000. Because MC didn't want to reincarnate with an OP power/golden finger, God decided to give him a pokemon egg worth 500 Karma points. At this point I'm like "Holy sh#t, that's almost all the good karma he gathered in his WHOLE LIFE, It's definitely a good Pokemon" Well, turns out he traded 80% of his karma to win a shiny ****** (No spoilers here, boya). I was disappointed. He also spent a good 100 points to have a good background, so he doesn't suffer on his childhood. Well, that didn't really work out since his real family died in a "mysterious way" and he's actually adopted. We all know this will lead to trouble later on in his life. Dialogue between characters seems fine. It feels human. It works. There's also a timeskip literally right after chapter 25. A ten-year timeskip, to he exact. He's 15, and that's when his journey actually starts. Right now I give the story a good 3.5/5, maybe a 3/5 if I'm harsh. Just skim through the info dump and have fun. I'll update my thoughts on this after finishing chapter 50. 🍷 Reading Diary 🍷

Related Stories