Quite a great opener with nice characters and fun chemistry. The dialogues are great and the personalities were varied. I would only point out the use of this kind of (inner monologue?), I hope you can get around with the use of other words but of course you can take my advice as granted. Great job and keep it up! đ
Nakasuka
Liked by 1 people
LIKEActually i found the same stumbles as you with the italics, but so far I used a separate line between the paragraph. I don't know if it's any better actually haha.. Maybe an indirect sentence could be a bit better. I think it's just my bias because it felt like a self-inserted comment from a writer and maybe others would not really think that way. Anyway, do you mind to review my book in the near future? I really need some insights as a writer as well. Thank you and keep writing! đ