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Nakasuka

Nakasuka

Lv11
2021-05-15 JoinedUnited States
-d

Writing

22.9h

of reading

29

Read books

Badges

6

Moments

42
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Replied to Grandmasters

    Yup, and it's alright! I'm just glad that you remembered in the end, so thank you!

    altalt
    Hemmingston
    Teen · Nakasuka
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Posted

    An amazing piece of work! English isn't the author's first language and may make some grammatical mistakes, but they are willing to listen to criticism and fix said mistakes! The writing style is also knew to me, since it's written in a spanish style (This story is NOT written in spanish). This story has a lot of potential, and I can't wait for the new chapter to come out!! It's apparently going to be an amazing battle!! Keep going dear author!!!

    altalt
    Hope 7
    Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Commented

    For Hope's hair description. You can say *...ruby red...* *...fire red...* *...burning amber...* *...crimson...* *...blood red...*

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Hope 7
    Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Commented

    *Grabbed*

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Hope 7
    Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Commented

    *Startled* would not really fit here. trying using *In a frenzy*, *Flustered*, *Anxiously/Anxious*

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Hope 7
    Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Replied to Nakasuka

    To describe Tom's hair, you can say. *...rested Tom. A boy with golden hair who...* Or *...rested Tom. A boy with sun-kissed hair who...*

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Hope 7
    Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Commented

    *Hope woke up, thinking about the dream she had. A dream of danger, of kidnappings, and of brutal beatings. All of which was nothing new in her day-to-day life.* These are just suggestions. You don't need to listen to them!

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Hope 7
    Sci-fi · Esoj_Vi_Aifos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Posted

    This was super interesting to read!!! I liked how the ML traveled through the road of reincarnation and met others as well. That was something completely different from how most reincarnation stories do! Your writing style is amazing, and despite the grammatical errors, this story keeps you wanting more! I also noticed how you change the paragraphs that I commented on, and I thought that was amazing! An author who is willing to listen to what their readers has to say, is an author that will surely get far in life! Just be sure to take account your own feelings as well when taking suggestions! Other than that, KEEP GOING STRONG!

    altalt
    The Star Sovereign (1st Pov)
    Eastern · Simp_Chaos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Replied to Erxian_

    Thank you for reading and giving me a review! I promise to keep going strong from now on!

    altalt
    Hemmingston
    Teen · Nakasuka
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Replied to Esoj_Vi_Aifos

    Thank you so much for the positive review!! I promise that I will work even harder on this!

    altalt
    Hemmingston
    Teen · Nakasuka
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Replied to Nakasuka

    Trade *were* with *was*.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Star Sovereign (1st Pov)
    Eastern · Simp_Chaos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Commented

    Scrap *other*. Trade *walked* with *traveled*.

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Star Sovereign (1st Pov)
    Eastern · Simp_Chaos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Commented

    You have another run-on sentence here. *The very concept of time should not exist here, but for some reason, I can...*

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Star Sovereign (1st Pov)
    Eastern · Simp_Chaos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Commented

    This whole paragraph is a little iffy to read. You have a run-on sentence in the first half of it, and the rest has a bit of incorrect grammar. The concept in it is interesting though!

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Star Sovereign (1st Pov)
    Eastern · Simp_Chaos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Replied to Nakasuka

    *I assumed that she would had killed me by now, since she fully knew that I would become a massive thorn for her if she were to let me go this time.* These are just suggestions btw. You don't need to listen to them =)!

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Star Sovereign (1st Pov)
    Eastern · Simp_Chaos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Commented

    *I assumed*

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    The Star Sovereign (1st Pov)
    Eastern · Simp_Chaos
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Posted

    An amazing story that drags you in on the very first paragraph! The flow of this story is smooth, and how the characters converse with each other is phenomenal! Keep up the amazing work!!!

    altalt
    Ghost Busters
    Urban · Lonewo1f
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Replied to PurpleLight

    Makes sense, thank you very much!

    altalt
    Hemmingston
    Teen · Nakasuka
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Posted

    This is a beautiful story that pulls on your heartstrings! The writing style is almost flawless and the Author's imagination is as vast as the sea. This novel is most definitely going places, and I'll be following it till the end!

    altalt
    Devil Child
    LGBT+ · SEP1A
    detail
  • Nakasuka
    Nakasuka2yr
    Posted

    This is really interesting! I always love a good system styled novel, and this one is definitely good! The story is comprehensive and the system itself is different from what I usually read. Great job and keep up the good work!

    This book has been deleted.