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GuzaSan
GuzaSanLv33yr
2021-08-31 15:07

Writing quality has some flaws to it but eventually what really matters is the flow and how fun it is to actually read and although it has some mistakes but nothing major. The prompt is a sage from presumably a fantasy-type world with magic transmigrating to a cultivation world and within that cultivation world, he seems to want to explore whatever he couldn't in his original fantasy world. Not many chapters have been released as of yet but in my opinion, while the prompt is really good, way too much stuff happens within those 11 chapters and it's just really tiring. Like the young master that took a good portion of 2 chapters for pretty much nothing, He might encounter the young master's family later or he won't but eventually, it's not really interesting to have this entire subplot branch out from just him bumping into someone. In 12 chapters he cured some city lord's daughter, fought with a young master from a tycoon family, saved a young lady of another house, combined the different energies he had and some other more minor events but I hope you get that these are all pretty big events and are the buildup for the rest of story atm and it just seems really rushed to me to just give each of these subplots barely 1 chapter and moreover this 1 chapter for each of them occupies a huge part of the 12 chapters that have been released so far so we don't get much info on the world background like the strength of cultivators, what even are cultivators in the first place - cultivators in other novels can definitely cast spells even outside of arrays so are cultivators in this world only able to strengthen their physique and practice martial skills? I can only assume he bought a cultivation technique of the lowest grade because of the price which is odd since either way from what you said it takes a lot of time and effort to transfer from one technique to another. Also, these little bits that are seemingly meaningless like him showing off his 'wealth' to some random attendant that is for some reason arrogant and it just doesn't make much sense for a clerk to be arrogant I mean most of their job is just being courteous. TL: DR - It feels to me that way too many events and flags are being squeezed into these 12 chapters. Creating the new energy for example should be a really big event and not some random thing that gets overshadowed by him overstaying in the cultivation room. IMO more time should be invested into expanding on the world background specifically the cultivation system before we start with all of these events (i.e. interaction with other characters that seems crucial to the plot).

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yohananmikhael
yohananmikhaelAuthor

Thank you for the review. I agree with what you said but I already had made the partial outline of the story. What you said was covered in these outlines. (I have also made a draft for the future chapters which is 23 in total.) You mentioned the subplot and other situations. I think it was crucial as it will affect his view of the world. It was also mentioned that there are upper heavens which he considered as layers of the world and the one he was at was the lowest. I kind of wanted to show some aspects of the lower heaven. The world background won't be clearly explained until 15+. Since it is the lowest heaven, he can just roam around instead of searching for someone knowledgeable since he's still new in this world. He still has much to learn about the standards and some important common sense in the world. The first few chapters appeared to be rushed but he is roaming around. Still clueless about where to start, at least I think he is trying to adapt. And as for the third energy and other cultivation information about this world, will still be explained in future chapters. I also take into account the vastness of cultivation. As it was mentioned that this place was the lowest heaven, people in common can still achieve strengthening their physique and other extraordinary feats that mortals can't reach. (Also his view won't b remain still, it will change as he learns more things.) In other novels, cultivators can create a spell or mystical arts and they can do it too in this world. Well, I already mentioned that there will be still further explanations of things as he continues roaming and finding where to start. In these chapters, he won't have a companion until 15+. It will be where the plot starts and these 15 first chapters were there to support his story. Though I can't reach people's expectations, I will still try to do the best I can offer. Thank you for reading. And as for my writing, I can't help but flow with the time. I believe I will still improve when I continue to write. I can't rush the process, but still, thank you for pointing it out.

Other Reviews
yohananmikhael
yohananmikhaelAuthor

A shameless review and a proper review to post since the novel has reached 100 chapters. So, I would like to establish some thoughts about what you should expect from these 100 chapters. - My writing was decent, and at the beginning of the novel, it was kind of unstable since I was still trying to play with my words. And my style at that phase was not actually accepted by the mass, so I changed it slowly. I can't tell if my writing has improved since it is hard to self-edit since I can't notice my mistakes. Should I hire an editor? It would be impossible since I don't have money and don't have much time to send plenty of chapters to an editor. - The story wasn't established as I wanted to show that the MC was aimless, or rather doesn't have a specific goal to stay except going to the Immortal Heaven where immortals live. It was kind of messy, I agree since all of the encounters the MC had weren't that long. But along with it, after chapters 50 and above, there will be some sign of the plot. And truth be told, the plot was too slow. - Long side stories to make the world background more introduced. But not to the point that it won't be connected with the MC. All of the side stories were made for the plot and a path for the MC's journey. - The character design was a bit off, you may say. He is an immortal sage but still acts like a kid? Well, it will be for character development and part of the plot and discussions about the MC. [May contain spoiler] MC had abilities sealed, but some were activated every time. One of the examples is the Absorption Body, which works with mana and Qi, and I am saying that he also has mind abilities. Let's say that there were some side effects that he still didn't notice as he didn't pay much attention to them since it was natural for him at this point. And I'll mention that in these 100 chapters, only once or twice is his personality pointed out, so in the future chapters you will learn more about the MC. - What to expect in these 100 chapters might have been mentioned but I am getting excited with the world background and the MC's background story. Proper background story to understand the MC more. - The cultivation part, well, the Heaven where the MC was, is the weakest of them all. So, I am telling you that in the upper heavens, you will see what cultivation is. There were mystical arts, and some strong techniques, so expect more when the MC lays his feet on the upper heavens. So, my style wasn't really acceptable and not that good since I started messing up with the readers' thoughts. I also did that with my other work and have still not learned since it comes naturally. So, if it is tolerable, thank you for staying with me.

LostEra
LostEraLv15

So far I have read the first 30 chapters so this is just an initial impression. I have mixed feelings about this novel so far, a great idea for the story, main character is well described and has an unique character and background, pretty good world building and explanations of how magic helps and not helps with cultivating. But at the same time some of the choices made in the world building and character designs make some of the things I dislike about cultivation / Eastern Fantasy stories inevitable. The main character is a mage who has reached immortality and got bored off it, kills himself and transmigrates to a cultivation world. This is a great story idea and looking at the world building and explanation of how magic works the author shows he thought through how magic should work in a cultivation world. What I find a pity is that the cultivation world is one of those where the strong oppress the weak, everyone is too eager to fight or have too big ego's with not enough self confidence which leads to an excessive urge to show superiority when personal honor is deemed to be slightly attacked, without there being a good explanation for this behavior it feels too much like a forced way to ensure a fight in every city. Also because this behavior results in a lot of fights it is very easy to have a lot of cannon fodder fights for stupid reasons. I don't have a problem with cannon fodder fights but I do have a problem with fights for stupid reasons. Having read many cultivation / eastern fantasy novels the one trend that I experience when reading these novels is that the more forgettable or dumb an opponent is the worse it reflect on the main character (eg if the mc kills a lot of idiots he becomes an idiot killer). Some stories try to fix this by giving these cannon fodder characters a background story but that only improves it if the fight itself starts for a good reason (pretty ladies, not wanting to give an answer or loss of face are more often than not poor reasons to start a fight). And maybe because a lot of novels do follow this pattern it might be seen as part of the genre but I see it more as a symptom of the pressures that daily releases bring with them and this results in authors not having, or maybe taking, enough time to properly plan out the smaller encounters in the story (and as a result I have more problems with these idiotic cannon fodder apearing in the beginning of a novel than when they apear after several 100's of chapters). I'm not sure if this mc has a lot of encounters with idiotic cannon fodder, I haven't read far enough, but the first encounter with cannon fodders did not make me happy, impressed with how magic was used but the reasons for the fight was not very good. And the first fight for a good reason was again not very satisfying because it was a lot of chapters to describe a mass slaughter without any suspense because the mc was already too strong. For such a one sided fight the shorter it is the better. And the last thing I rather not sea in a cultivation / Eastern Fantasy stories are female characters fall in love within a couple of paragraphs. I don't have a problem with the peanut gallery having ladies fall in love at first sight because that is similar to girls and boy bands but when the main heroin, or at least what appears to be a woman who is going to be next to the mc for a lot of chapters, falls in love in a few paragraphs it is for me a signal that the romance is probably not going to be a serious part of the story. Often this becomes an harem story or a story with an far too oblivious mc and those storylines are rarely written in such a way that it doesn't result in ridicule of how fake it feels. And even if it is done for comedic reasons the comedy is not that effective because the romance already feels fake (don't get me wrong it can be done and I have read 1 story that did the harem part well and 1 other story which did the oblivious part well but it is very rare). I like it more when the romance is more build up, even if it is an harem story, and the females not getting a dumb reaction or no reaction at all when they very obviously flirt with the main character. In general I believe that if romance is to be part of a story than let it mean something to the story and don't paste it on just for comedic effect. For now I have seen enough positives to keep reading but at the same time I am weary because I have already seen behavior in the story that usually turns into the stories that I don't like. They are just signals now and I hope they don't turn in the things that make the great idea behind this story turn into the sort of story that there are already too many of.

Poet_Legion
Poet_LegionLv15

literally my only problem with this novel is how horrible the grammar is. And by that I mean that sometimes you can go like two or three paragraphs without seeing anything bad but other times you can read an entire paragraph and have to completely restructure it yourself in order to have it make sense. If you wanted those people that just likes reading on autopilot and doesn't really care what you read and you just want something to read then I'd say that where the grammar is right now to perfect go but if you don't then I would wait till the author fixes the earlier chapters and even later ones from what I've seen him some of the reviews and just clicking through them. The premise is pretty cool in my opinion but it's just hard to get past the first ten chapters if I have to constantly take myself out of the immersion of the story every like three sentences to fix an entire paragraphs worth of words because they're written in the wrong tense, the words are almost completely scrambled and sound like someone's blabbering in a language they don't know or just something similar. I'm sorry if this review seems really harsh but I feel like giving honest opinions is what can help some authors instead of just saying that the grammar is kind of bad because it would be an understatement of my opinion. If you end up fixing the grammar at all I will certainly come back and read this through but until then I don't think it's worth it because it's just too hard on the eyes almost it's hard on The Soul Man

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