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ShuYmeLv53yr
2022-02-04 19:58

Its a good story, the grammar is good. The only problem i have with It is that everything ends well for the MC there is no suspense ot anything its like the universe bends over backwards to accomodate the frankly ridiculous stuff the MC achieved even as a child. Most characters just agree with the mc regardless of the absurdity of his claimS for example negotiating with The nightsisters as a child and getting them to agree in like 4 sentences It just reeks of lazy writing. Very unrealistic even if the MC is the «chosen one». MC is a classic gary sue who masters everything almost instantly which isnt that fun to read about I recommend it if u just want to kill some time. If you want something deeper or compelling then this isnt for you

Liked by 9 people

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Replies3
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Should I have put an OP MC tag?

ShuYmeLv5

You do you bro

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Worn_out_byLv15

No Gary sue

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Other Reviews
Plug_O_StienLv1

Listen, I don't really like making reviews, because it's time-consuming. But I think it's worth doing every now and then. To start, the introduction to the story, the opener, is rather bland and generic, nothing special, that is not very impactful to the story apart from maybe deterring some potential readers. The writing quality is pretty much non-existent, the author as of chapter 28 is just dumping information, there is almost no dialogue, and when there is, it feels unnatural and just overall poorly executed, clearly highlighting their total lack of basic writing knowledge. The story feels more like a summary of events that transpired rather than actually, well... actually writing a story itself. It feels like a journal with entries telling us what he did instead of actually reading about it in-depth, experiencing it for ourselves so to speak. Overall, writing quality is given a 1 star. That leads me to my next point, the MC has zero depth. no character progression, his aspirations are generic and his actions clearly betray the intentions of the author as he attempts to establish the reasons to build the MC's harem. His quest to build his empire is rather boring and lacks a real reason, meaning well-developed intentions and driving factors to realistically pursue such a path. Stability is not discussed since the story is done. story development, terribly paced, no depth to the story, everything is very poorly executed, and events are skipped over which doesn't allow us to immerse ourselves in the story. It's practically impossibly to actually attach myself to the story because it's too shallow. I have come to the conclusion that the author lacks the ability to actually delve into the story in detail because he doesn't have the necessary imagination and skill to build a functioning world, highlighting the intricacies, expand on his plots and develop characters. Nor does he have the necessary information to develop it in a way that is sensible and correct in terms of lore. The last part is understandable to a certain degree due to all the retcons, and the absurd attention to detail needed to be factually correct making it very daunting. adding this to the author being an amateur in writing creates this novel that culminates in a summary of canonical events with slight changes and a pinch of originality. story development 1 star. character design, MC is bland, nothing special about him at all, his dialogue is incredibly crude and badly done, and his interactions with other characters are inaccurate and unrealistic. An example is his interactions with Mother Talzin, a perfect example to highlight the author's clear lack of understanding of a character and their subpar writing skills making it impossible to create a proper interaction that is factually accurate for Talzin. No one would take a 5-year-old seriously, less so in star wars. this is plot armour at its finest. The character design overall is two stars, nothing crazy. world background I gave full stars because the author copy and pastes right from the wiki, so it's very extensive and in-depth, ironic considering how shallow the actual story is. Overall, I would say this has potential when looking at its skeleton. give the outline of this story to a better author who has adequate writing skills and this story could be amazing. A terrible waste, it truly is. This review was more on the authors writing skills and their implementation of ideas and their way of constructing their world than criticising the story itself. I think it has great potential, the ideas are there, it's just wasted. I am happy to discuss this, and I hope this brings awareness to incoming readers to provide them with a realistic expectation for the novel.

Clockwork_JesterLv14
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