Item: Rebirth in the 50's
Rating: 3.2
Author: Loyalscum

LoyalscumLv143yr

2021-05-31 12:03

I'm sorry to say this but I believe this story has a load of flaws. The pacing in the story was to fast. One minute mc was complaining the next she's dead. You needd to establish the characters better then that and explain each scene, there looks, emotions, ... etc. The next problem was the scenes were jumbled together it was hard to distinguish were each began. The sentence structure also needs work. I got lost multiple times trying to follow the story. I get what your trying to say and do but the writing quality is so poor that it doesn't matter. I know this is hard to read, but don't take it to heart like i'm after you. Use it as motivation to prove me wrong and fix your book.

Rebirth in the 50's

salamontyy2

4.7

34 Chs

Liked by 1 people

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Other Reviews

salamontyy2Author

Writer is here to shamelessly write a review for her own storyy . First ,thanks for all of you who read the book .i appreciate all the support and love muuaahhh

4yr

FantasieLv13

Thanks for writing this! Its really interesting, can’t wait for more chapters!

4yr

DANIBEL05Lv5

I hope the author does not give up on his work. Because now I want to some faces lapping and also why are you giving bad people happy development I want them to suffer especially the aunt who sold her niece her daughter is living a happy life

3yr

Ashley_AtkinsonLv4

The story line is interesting and creative. love how everyone character is explained and an waiting to read the outcome of the sweet ending. [img=update]

3yr

Brian_Hanes_117Lv1

The writing quality could use some work. Most of it can be fixed with a few formatting changes like capitalizing some letters and finishing quotes. Story development seems to be interesting and solid overall. Character design seems decent, but there are some things that are missed. I think a bit more time could be used to describe how the characters look. The story could also use a bit more description. When it comes to laying out the setting and describing the characters in more detail. World background is pretty good but, could use a bit more detail. I like how this is a more light-hearted story and isn't a crazy story about monsters. No disrepsect to those stories, some are great. It's just refreshing to get a more normal and realistic one. Keep working author, there is always room for growth. I look forward to seeing what comes next.

3yr

KayLillyt_1Lv4

Beautiful character, beautifully told story. Giving us all a look into the fifties. With a bold, courageous and smart mouthed main character to lead the way from the future to the past. Can’t wait for more.

3yr

Lindsy_newtonLv3

am amazed by how incredible and interesting this story is. I love the story's set up and how the author explains the characterization well. Keep up the good work author this story is dope 😊🤩😍

3yr

Bunny_JunnieLv4

I don't know if it's your first work or not but I really admit it's a great story so far! I like the synopsis and plot also. It was too interesting. Keep up the great work with your great thoughts! I appreciate it!

3yr

Nr_Yet1208Lv12

Decent story, poor execution. I always like isekai stories and I myself write them. This particular story felt nice but it has flaws. loads of flaws. the abrupt change of tense isn't pleasant but the main issue is pacing. one moment mc is cursing her life and the next moment she's dying. I think this story would benefit a lot with a proper edit. If I'm being harsh, sorry. but that's just the truth. hopefully, you'll continue to write this and improve it. good luck

3yr

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