webnovel
Nr_Yet1208
Nr_Yet1208Lv123yr
2021-05-28 20:33

Decent story, poor execution. I always like isekai stories and I myself write them. This particular story felt nice but it has flaws. loads of flaws. the abrupt change of tense isn't pleasant but the main issue is pacing. one moment mc is cursing her life and the next moment she's dying. I think this story would benefit a lot with a proper edit. If I'm being harsh, sorry. but that's just the truth. hopefully, you'll continue to write this and improve it. good luck

Liked by 1 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
Related Stories

Married to a mechanic, she shocked the world

【StrongFL,Faceslapping】 【Superrich ML,sweet pampering】 Lin Wu was reborn. Her mother was duped into a sham marriage by a worthless man. And she herself was the pitiful illegitimate daughter kicked out of a wealthy family. She was mocked, "What can a wild child from the countryside amount to?" Facing adversity, she smiled faintly. What did being an illegitimate daughter of a wealthy family matter? She helped her poor mother to kick her worthless father to the curb, quickly gave her stepmother the boot, crushed the trash. She established her own skincare brand, living a prosperous life ever since. Forgiving her enemies? Never. If there's no justice, she will be the justice herself. —— Just as Lin Wu's life is thriving, her grandfather's family, who had been missing for many years, finally found her! And so, the woman who everyone thought was forsaken, divorced and saddled with a child, unexpectedly became the sole heir to a super wealthy family. What shocked Lin Wu even more was that her "good-for-nothing" car mechanic boyfriend transformed overnight into an unattainable top tycoon. Afterwards, Lin Wu became a lady of high society, who got everything handed to her on a platter and was pampered by the tycoon to the heavens and back. —— Later. Lin Wu had become a renowned female entrepreneur. Standing on a high platform, she delivered her speech: "Our ancestors mostly valued boys over girls. They neglected the education and growth of girls, trapped them between household and trivial matters, asserting that husband was heaven and son was earth. Once betrayed by men, these women would lose their support and be condemned as ruined!" "But today!" "Look at this plaza filled with thousands of people, they are all young female entrepreneurs, the hope of humanity!"

Deutsche Unforgotten · Urban
Not enough ratings
930 Chs

Escaped My Ex, Got Snatched by His Rival

For the past three years, Ariana Ari Harlow has given her all to her husband. The two of them got married because her sister chose to run away on the night of the wedding, as she believed the rumours that the Nelson Corporation was bankrupt. Ari loved Noah since she was sixteen, she thought it was her dream come true. However, she did not know that her sister had dug a trap for her, and it was not the beginning of her new life, rather it was her new hell. She was forced to give up her training as a doctor because the respectful Mrs Nelson could not have her hands covered in blood. Ari agreed. For the sake of Noah, she became a perfect wife who took care of her in-laws and husband. However, what waited for her was nothing but insults, her husband was ashamed of her and her mother-in-law believed that her sister, Ariel was well-matched for her son. However, Ari persisted. She thought that she would warm the heart of her husband one day. But she caught him kissing her sister! Heartbroken, Ariana decided to divorce her husband, but she somehow found herself entangled with Nicolai. The enemy and rival of her husband. They were not meant to be together. But Nicolai doesn’t seem to care about the odds stacked against them. In fact, he was determined to break into Ari’s life and set everything on fire. In his drunken stupor, he once held her by her throat against the wall of a dingy pub, “You can deny it all you want princess, but you want me.” His eyes raked over her heaving chest and his eyes darkened, the red appearing unhinged, possessive as if he wanted to wrench her soul out of her body and embed it in his own. “Bet if I take a peek, you will be dripping wet for me.” Heat flared up Ariana's cheeks as she snarled, “Shut up.” “Make me,” said Nicolai as he smashed his lips on hers. His kisses burned into her soul, and his warmth seared her skin every time they touched. She thought that her biggest mistake was getting entangled with Nicolai. However, Ari soon realised the hard way, Literally, being wanted by such a beautiful nightmare was much worse than a mistake. And things turn complicated when her husband finds the truth about everything. “Shoot me in the heart, Ari,” said Noah as he brought the gun's nozzle where his heart lay. “Because a life without you is one that I don't want, so either kill me or come back. I beg of you.” Now that Nicolai had given her a choice, would Ari fall in love with him and jump into a life of nothing but danger? Or would she go back to her husband, Noah, whom she loved ever since she was sixteen? And would Ariana avoid the danger that lurks in the dark, waiting for her to make a mistake and lose everything dear to her? Would she find the key to all the secrets that tied her to Noah and Nicolai as well as her twisted fate? ******* Excerpt: “It's all about money, isn’t it? Take it and get lost,” He shouted while throwing the black card at Ariana’s face. Ariana couldn’t believe her ears when she heard her husband or her future ex-husband humiliate her like this. Three years. Ariana Harlow gave Noah Nelson, three years and yet when she caught him kissing her elder sister, Ariel—— this was what he said to her. “I am going to divorce you,” Ari declared and left. She left penniless but Ari stumbled into Nicolai. The enemy and rival of her husband, the Mafia prince of the Lonest City, a notorious bastard known for his violent tendencies. The ill-fated meeting placed her in Nicolai’s path, and just like that he set his eyes on her. The first time they met, Nicolai asked her to invite him to dinner. The second time, when they met, he handed her a million dollars. The third time when they met, he declared, “You will look good in my arms, what do you say princess?” ********

fairytail72 · Urban
4.5
567 Chs

Rebirth: The Time-locked Girl

[Sweet, Fiery, Refreshing, powerful couple, Cultural Heritages] Ye Wanlan's body had been possessed; after the transmigrator turned her life into a complete mess and left abruptly, she finally regained control of her own body, only to be trapped in the same day, repeating in an infinite loop for 999 years. No matter what she did, everything would start over, and she was forced to become a madwoman possessing numerous skills. The day she broke free from the loop, facing the disastrous aftermath, everyone laughed at her powerless efforts to restore order, until her past life was unintentionally exposed— Ye Wanlan leapt down from a height of thirty feet with her qinggong, unscathed. Some explained: She must've used wires. Ye Wanlan's rendition of "Battle-Breaking Music" left none injured yet many dead. Some defended: It's all post-production special effects. Ye Wanlan performed the Taiyi Divine Needle anew, miraculously healing others. Some covered up: It was all pre-written in the script. Afterward, long-lost martial arts secret techniques, Kesi silk skills, and operatic arts resurfaced in the world... Big shots making up excuses for her: ... Can you tone it down a bit? They're running out of excuses! · Suddenly, Ye Wanlan found she could hear the conversations of antiques and inadvertently mastered gossip from all ages and nations. 【Absolutely no one knows that beneath the Fengyuan Pagoda lies the Tianqi ceremonial book】 The next day, the Huaxia book of the Tianqi ceremony was brought to light. 【I am Great Ancestor Ning's personal sword, and I won't tell you where the treasure is】 The following day, international news reported the discovery of Great Ancestor Ning's treasure. The antiques who were slow to catch on finally sensed something was amiss: ??? Ye Wanlan reached out her hand: I will take you home · The treasures of Shenzhou shall return to Huaxia In the new era, she is the sole torchbearer He gambled his life on a Shenzhou golden age with her in it

Qing Qian · Urban
Not enough ratings
405 Chs