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FOX_ZRS
FOX_ZRSLv44yr
2021-04-03 07:17

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Adventure with Harem and the System

Voiceless_Lord
4.7
103 Chs

Liked by 5 people

LIKE
Replies1
CORREA012
CORREA012Lv4

Seeeeeeee

4yr
Other Reviews
Psan
PsanLv6

For readers to know, the author, has improved considerably compared from the beginning, hopefully, he can edit old chapters since they can scare readers off. I write this to show that the author has put a lot of effort in improving his writing skills. So the future of this novel seems to be getting better and better. Most other authors will not bother to change their writing or try to improve their skills so one can see that this author is serious about it. SO you get browny points!

4yr

Psan
PsanLv6

Hello, first time i see an Asobi Ni Iku Yo! Fanfic with a system, hopefully, you dont drop it. As the series is one of my favorites and i have seen the anime a few times, tried to read the novel but its very hard to find, even the raws are impossible to find. The story needs editing since there are some very awkward sentences and words, but other than that, its need to be more than 1500 words long excluding the status of the mc. This is because the status takes a lot of space of the actual chapter. So its a recomendation that the chapter word count should not include the status screen towards the word count.

4yr
DolanTramp
DolanTrampLv3

Reading this is so awkward.. "*blush furiously*: Manami!!! What are you talking about!!! "Kkyyyuuuu *embarassed*" Reading that felt so weird (the 3 ! in a row feel like a little kid trying to write something "important"..) The writing quality leaves a lot to be desired. Its not the worst that i saw on this site but it needs a lot of work. It may even better to write it in the authors native language, use google translate afterwards and edit it afterwards.

3yr
INVADER_WEST
INVADER_WESTLv3

I really like that you focus on a classic anime, !!!! Nowadays, very seldom does someone write something like this![img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]

4yr
CORREA012
CORREA012Lv4

😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😵😵😵😵😵😇😵😵😇😵💀😱😤😱💀😵😇😂😇😵💀😱😱💀💀😤😤😱💀💀💀😇💀😱😱💀😱💀😵😂😤💀💀😂😱💀💀😇😂😤😱💀😇😤😱💀😵😂😂😤😱💀😵😇😂😤

4yr
MonkeReviewer
MonkeReviewerLv4

It is not bad but I can see mistakes in the wordings and after dialogues there is sentences that just says what happen or the obvious and the cliche on this is kind of strong(I despise cliche as they majority of the time ruined a good story). Overall I would read it if you don’t mind being reminded the obvious after dialogues and cliches.

4yr
Thom_Costa
Thom_CostaLv4

Só posso dizer exelent Tanto o crescimento do autor quanto o da estória. Um desenvolvimento perceptível que da para perceber durante os capítulos. Obrigado por uma boa estória.

3yr
FOX_ZRS
FOX_ZRSLv4

[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]

4yr
kevin_saputra
kevin_saputraLv3

yes I'm your story because you take the basis of a rare world and almost no fanfic about this world, I've read until the latest chapter and I love it. The idea of a multiverse Portal to take his subordinates and family to another world is also good because it can still be made with the Technology of the First world. yes I hope you continue your story and never drop your story until your story is finished.

3yr
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