A virtual reality novel like this is nicely written, as the characters is quite lively, bringing life to this book. And I think with a little more polishing, this can become quite popular ! Here are some issues I want to point out however: 1. Grammar: Among some of the grammatical errors were misplaced commas, which created run-on sentences; incorrect verb tenses, which should be past tense due to the way you write most of the verbs, and a few misspellings. Additionally, while correct, I found some sections of the sentence to be redundant ( example from chapter 2– “His friend’s reaction was so strange that he even thought about taking him to a detoxification clinic for help because that reaction was too abnormal.” [ ‘so strange’ & ‘too abnormal’ mean the same thing in this sentence, resulting in redundancy. So I would recommend taking out one or the other ] ) Reason why I am saying this is because readers should have a good, first impression of your book. Hopefully my comments may assist you in your journey ! 2. Info dump: While I personally don’t mind, I do appreciate when writers can spread out information evenly in the chapter without massive info being placed out in front of me. It makes it easier to digest. While info about the game is perfectly fine, I believe the part about the quartet’s appearances could be segmented to when they appear in the story, so that I don’t have to go back to imagine how they look like. Overall, I think this has potential, but it only depends on you, Author. So keep up the good work !
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Thanks. I will edit the chapters and try to improve. I am used to writing scientific articles (in another language), so I am adapting to this new style yet.
