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Serial_seresposaLv124yr
2021-01-18 22:12

Loving the ideas and how you are piecing the story together. You allow the readers to create their own image of the characters and then mention it. It's really cool. Word of advice though don't rush the story, some parts don't seem like they click easily so it gets a bit confusing. The ideas and perspectives your creating are good so keep the flow and you'll be surprised with the outcome

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Other Reviews
ArcaneMindLv3

I'll preface this review by saying, "The story has potential." And my opinions are subjective. It's the author's first work and, it shows. I read all the free chapters available. Definitely recommend reading them all before deciding if it's for you. Personally, I urge you to give it a try. It may be to your taste. I wouldn't know. Writing Quality: The writing quality went up during the last chapters. But there are still glaring problems. The prose doesn't flow smoothly. There are syntax errors, and sometimes the words are used inaccurately. (Not their first language, acceptable. Like me ;-) ) The author sometimes misspells character names, even the MC. There are minimal descriptions, lending no credence to the setting. The ones that are there, vague and opaque. They don't give you a sense of space. The story and its pace feel choppy at times. Things are happening. Constantly. The story is in motion, which is good. But it gets stale very soon. It's monotonous. Athan did this. Athan gained this. Athan comprehended this. Athan went here and did this. It felt like the author was in a hurry to get the story moving and get to what he actually wants to write. Most of this can be fixed in editing. Stability of Updates: I read after the chapters were locked, so I don't know what the update is like. So, I'll give it 5 stars, assuming it's stable. Story Development: The author seems to be aiming at something. I assume he has things planned out for future developments. Wonderful. But. There wasn't much conflict or an obstacle for the MC. The first real complication that remotely mattered was maybe Tiana being trapped (and conveniently beneficial to her in the long run). It was a complication introduced solely to establish a plot point, gee-whiz, for later developments. The first volume was a speed run for the MC. Like running through the tutorial of a game, not the actual game. The story has potential, and developments are looming over the horizon, but getting there might be a chore. I couldn't clearly pinpoint a story promise(except the usual, OP, harem, basically, tags). It does have a story goal for the MC. But I don't think it can carry the weight of the novel. This likely will naturally come out later in a more developed fashion. Character Design: None of the characters are fleshed out. They don't have a unique voice. I believe they will find it during the story's run. It's in its infancy, after all. Up till chapter 102, Avelia seems deeper than the MC. We don't get to spend enough time together with the characters to get to know them. The story is a linear progression from one point to another. Most of the time we spend with Athan(the MC) is him gaining power or in the process of doing so. The dialogues are straightforward, with most of them sounding the same. World Background: It's clear that the author has thought about the magic system and the world. He has developed a wonderful world, but none of it shows as there is no vivid description of the places they visit. It would be better if he showed off some of it in worldbuilding descriptions rather than frequently info-dumping on the magic system. He has thought a lot about his magic system, which may be a negative here. There is too much in-between it takes so long to build anything up. Leaving us with the monotonous Athan did this and that scenes/chapters. This is exacerbated by the lack of meaningful conflict. Leaving much to be desired by way of dynamicity to the story. I'll state what I couldn't articulate or think I didn't convey clearly here. Writing - It will get better as the author does it more, so it is a minor problem for a new writer. Still, an editor would be a good choice if the author can't spare time for it. Characters - We should get more time together with the characters. Learn about their inner self, their wants, fears, and ambitions. Especially for the MC, he needs to be thinking more, informing the readers about himself more(no melodrama monologues). The character of Tiana, for now, is no more than a showpiece. It doesn't affect the story in any way if she was completely removed from it. She didn't add any value by being with the MC. She didn't change him, nor did she create complications or conflicts for him. Her initial problem got resolved off-hand, which was a wasted opportunity to develop her character. Her coupling with the MC was also a bit forced. She felt like a starter pokemon equivalent of a harem in the MC's quest to catch 'em all. Then there is the situation of her being trapped. It was not the least bit impactful. The whole situation being a boon for her also didn't help. It introduced the MC's gee-whiz item, but so what? We would've found out about it when he climbs 2 realms anyway. It served no purpose. Other than giving the useless character just what she needs to be relevant for the rest of the story(No hate for Tiana). And an impetus for Athan to hurry up through the realms, which he would blaze through either way. Also, some descriptions and concrete details would be an immense boost for the story. There was no imagery in my mind's theater the whole time I read the story. I could not for the life of me imagine a scene where the story was taking place except for a vague idea of what it might be like. Lastly, I think the story is stretching thin, not by the author's intention but due to the nature of the story elements themselves. The detailed magic system and the impressive line-up of intents and elements give a sense of vastness to the world. But it may pose the risk of creating a plot hole or inconsistency in the later stages of the story. The author can play in a wide area but, it will limit the depths he can explore. Creating hidden problems that will come back to bite at the most unexpected of turns. My suggestion would be to limit the scope and focus on digging deep with the pieces at hand, making the story richer in substance than cool in variety. Compressing the plot by mixing them and running them in parallel or sub-plots might help. I don't know if I made sense. If I came off as pessimistic(I definitely did, didn't I?), that wasn't the intention. All the power to the author. Keep up the good hard work. You have a lot of potential with this story.

Alpha_astroLv6
Staria_Lv11

Where do I start? Good story good Idea but poor execution. I feel like there was soooo much more you could have done in the first volume and introduction of the first female lead was waaay to early (but it doesn't matter you have your creators freedom). I feel it slowed down the story a lot and made the ML Less goal oriented than he should be. Now it feels the MC doesn't have a mind of his own and goes with the flow because his character build is poor. It's like 100 chapters in and not knowing what the MC is for and against except his girlfriend sorry wife. My advice is don't rush and add depth to each detail introduced to the story. The lack of depth is causing a shallow pull on the reader it's not just about 'wait more and interestingthings will happen'. The language has improved from how it was in the beginning so keep it up. My other problems with the existence of the female lead is that how they met was poorly developed and I cringed at some parts and because you are new to writing, in depth characterisation is already bad for the main character now you have two and your not handling it properly. I honestly feel you should drop her and say she was picked up by an elder for training or something like that and separate them for years so you can properly develop the MC and her rise in power can be accepted by the readers without you having to slow the mc's progress just so she can keep up. Uour creation of that female lead was self sabotage because as of present the story would be 100x better without her because the mc would well develop within having to worry about some other person.. But it's an okay read. You are really trying and I wish you best of luck.

Daniel_KalilLv14

The novel is certainly very good, but i shall address a few points that made me sad about this novel. IT WILL CONTAIN HEAVY SPOILERS, BUT IMO NECESSARY SO THAT THOSE WHO WANT TO READ DO NOT GET DISAPPOINTED BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE 1st: The protagonist loses his powers a few times throughout the story. 2nd: around chapter 250 of the story, literally everyone forgot about the protagonist due to a few reasons that are spoilers, but because everyone forgot about him, it took him a long time to reunite with them, which was a waste of time because the MC's family got captured soon after by a mighty being to hasten the protagonist's rise to the peak (even forged fake memories of the mighty being killing all his family and friends). 3rd: This novel is a typical ascend through the realms to see a higher peak, which was not even achiavable in the first place since the peak was false. 4th: The WHOLE story and realms, the family of the protagonist, literally EVERYONE was an experiment of a true Mighty Being in the probable true world, which we dont get to see because the novel ended when we discovered that basically everything was false, even the MC's powers, which he lost again... (the only solace is that even if everyone was created by the imagination of a mighty being, the being could transform 7 of the protagonist lovers and friends into 'real' existences, 6 spots went to the Mc's lovers, which there was 1 spot left, which we dont know to who it went, but in my headcannon it went to Mimi). 5th: The ending as i stated is really disappointing, there was honestly no need for such an ending, it would have been more wholesome and better if their world was not a byproduct of someones energy and imagination. It would have been not problem for the Mc to ascend to a new world to start a new journey from scratch with his family and friends, but it was such a let down to say that the entire story was inside a world where everything was simply the imagination of someone. that was all, i hope that someone read this before reading this novel that although is nice, knowing that everything was false made me sad, which i did not like one bit.

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