I must confess I have been quite candid while writing this review, more so than I usually would be. This is in the hope to help you progress, rather than to simply song you praise. So with that in mind: While I clearly recognise the effort you take to tell us your story, I find it very difficult to immerse myself. I do not feel invited to read beyond the first few paragraphs. I could account this to two things: firstly, the poor sentence structure and grammar, and secondly, the lack of rhythm. The protagonist himself is engaging, and he has a certain youthful nativity about him that makes him entertaining. Lastly, I wish to bring up the chemistry, which feels very obligatory, and does not thoroughly convince me. I do recognise that this is very hard to write. I hope I did not dissuade you too much and wish you a lot of fun continuing your story.
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LIKE**: I can clearly see in later chapters that your grammar improves, but I’m afraid your readers won’t be able to get past those first few paragraphs
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the book.
