Short review: A good hook, nice descriptive language, interesting opening chapters, some mystery and foreshadowing of great things to come. Long review: The writing is very good, with only a few minor kinks, but nothing no one with any sense would scoff at.... Unfortunately, I'm not very sensible ^^. The story development at the start has everything a story needs; huge stakes, sacrifice for the greater good, and huge future obstacles. The characters are overall very detailed, with well-defined features, however, I think the introduction of the MC falls a little flat, initially. The appears to have a good amount of thought behind it, and the foreshadowing for future events suggests interesting developments. Good job!
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Falls flat? I kind of see that as well. I was trying to keep his motives pure while also making sure he starts on his path. If I left him to happy go lucky, he would not have the chance to show any growth in the early chapters. Plus I'm not a fan of extreme changes in personality. Any suggestions to clean it up?
I wrote a suggestion in my paragraph commentary as well, but to summarize: When we meet the MC for the first time, I think it should start with a description of what he sees or feels in a particular moment, like how you did it with the first characters we met chapters ine and two. Then you can begin telling about His growing up and skip some years ahead, if you like, but that first moment is important. Those are just my thoughts, though, but I hope that helps 😊
Minxs:Falls flat? I kind of see that as well. I was trying to keep his motives pure while also making sure he starts on his path. If I left him to happy go lucky, he would not have the chance to show any growth in the early chapters. Plus I'm not a fan of extreme changes in personality. Any suggestions to clean it up?
Yeah, just saw the comment after I wrote my reply ;). It makes a lot of sense but the way I wrote my story, it can't change. I introduced him at 3 years old. Just based on that fact doesn't leave much room to have a solid character introduction since he would be growing up. Would just waste words at that point since I don't plan to have an extended arc for a 3 year old. Thank you for the reply and suggestion, though!
Winterwisps:I wrote a suggestion in my paragraph commentary as well, but to summarize: When we meet the MC for the first time, I think it should start with a description of what he sees or feels in a particular moment, like how you did it with the first characters we met chapters ine and two. Then you can begin telling about His growing up and skip some years ahead, if you like, but that first moment is important. Those are just my thoughts, though, but I hope that helps 😊
