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Azathoth_PlotGod
Azathoth_PlotGodLv53yr
2021-06-12 20:46

I only managed to hold myself up to chapter 12. But your writing sucks. The characters are a little bland, and they feel like 15 yo doing a play for the first time. I've also observed that you use the same expressions over and over again. Which makes the story a whole lot more monotone than it already is. I see a lot of room for improvement, at least that's good.

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Hadi_Abdul_Hadi
Hadi_Abdul_HadiAuthor

Thank you for your honesty. I know it sucks it's my first time writing a novel online and there is no one to help me write this better.

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AntiLoliLewding
AntiLoliLewdingLv4
terrythor46
terrythor46Lv4

So to start off with... this isn't a gamer story. This is a normal zombie apocalypse with a system. I repeat this is NOT a gamer story. This is a SYSTEM story. As for the story itself, it's okayish to bad. The System is badly designed to the point that it doesn't really serve much of a purpose. It reminds of an old zombie apocalypse novel, my OP shop in the Zombie Apocalypse. The system is just there for the player to buy stuff and that's how it feels here. Other than being a shop and a quest giver the system has zero purpose even though the story makes seem like there's more. I liked that he's alone in the beginning. This feels more realistic in that there's little chance of encountering another survivor early in the apocalypse. Either people are turtling in their houses or go out whenever the MC is resting. Pacing is bad. It's fast and when he encounters another human, it picks up quickly. Slow it down and space out the time in the story. Another thing to note is that he trusts the first human he comes across too fast despite growing up as an outcast. There should be some hesitation in trusting people, but he gives the girl his gun trusting her. He wastes medical supplies on her and even fights a boss zombie because of her. After the introduction to the girl the pacing beings to go too fast with introducing the world. First the ninja girl, then the gangsters, then the introduction to the world's logic... Simply put there's little downtime to actually absorb the information before the next big thing happens. There should at least be some downtime for the MC to absorb the information he's gotten but doesn't. That's the only real major problem with this novel. It moves way too fast for its own good and suffers.

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