Review Detail of LaDiDah in Ember's Crown
Review detail
So early days yet, but seems like a solid foundation for world building and character development. Interesting content and characters, and good hooks to want to learn more. Plus, revenge. Always going to be down for some yummy slow-burn revenge. When reading about the trio I envisioned them sort of like an atom in terms of positive/negative/neutral charge, which works to maintain a balance between them. The idea of Tension I think is really interesting. I think for the later world-building I'd be excited to learn more about where it comes from and how it works (where are the similarities/differences to cultivation, for example, and then what are the limitations/thresholds). It was a lot of fighting in the first few chapters, so I'm left wondering if the power well ever runs dry and what that looks like? For the fight scene in Ch.2 between the white haired girl and the two boys it didn't have the same pull for me as the one in Ch.3, because I was looking for MC's perspectives/thoughts on the fight in addition to the detail of the content. The descriptive detail is really strong, but there is a risk of a checklist type feel where it's like you're cataloging the fight when MC is too absent (at least for me). I'm excited for this one. Definitely worth following along and rooting for their survival!
Ember's Crown
Clone_v2
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Had to come back to say I absolutely didn't mean to suggest you compromise the level of descriptive detail, as I also thought the strength of your prose was spot-on. I think I just meant laying in/expanding more context vs. removing. Also, I keep checking my library to see if you've updated a new chapter, which means something is definitely going right here. I can't wait to read more! :)
Clone_v2:Thank you for your review. You've really helped. I do sometimes put an emphasis on what's happening as opposed to how what's happening is processed by the characters, especially in fight scenes. While i'm hesitant to compromise the level of description, as I've always thought it was perhaps my greatest strength as a writer, I do need to better utilise the chief reason I opted for a 1st person point of view, the better exploration of the main characters. I'll take your feedback on board moving forward. Once again, thank you.
Thank you for your review. You've really helped. I do sometimes put an emphasis on what's happening as opposed to how what's happening is processed by the characters, especially in fight scenes. While i'm hesitant to compromise the level of description, as I've always thought it was perhaps my greatest strength as a writer, I do need to better utilise the chief reason I opted for a 1st person point of view, the better exploration of the main characters. I'll take your feedback on board moving forward. Once again, thank you.
I'm not sure my head will ever fit through my door after the last thing you said. Thank you so much. Also, chapter 4 is out, I've taken your suggestions on board and I think chapter 4 really illustrates that.
LaDiDah:Had to come back to say I absolutely didn't mean to suggest you compromise the level of descriptive detail, as I also thought the strength of your prose was spot-on. I think I just meant laying in/expanding more context vs. removing. Also, I keep checking my library to see if you've updated a new chapter, which means something is definitely going right here. I can't wait to read more! :)