Review Detail of jaclea in The Arrancar
Review detail
Short Version: I like where the story is, but I wish more time was put into the background. Backstory is basically just Bleach with nothing else really changed besides immediate area of MC. Long Version: I think more time should have been spent on MC journey to becoming strong as it feels like she was doing pushups and went from basic hollow to Aranncar in no time (even though around 100 years passed). It can still technically be retconned with flashbacks if author feels like it, but not necessary obviously. Suggestions: If i were to suggest one it might be a connection with Rukia as she likes rabbits and MC is Rabbit Hollow. Perhaps she wants to explore the world a bit and happens across Rukia's abandonment and wanting to know how things go from there she waits only for no one to show up as Rukia gets weaker and so eventually she steps in and takes care of Rukia for a bit. Then plot happens and Rukia leaves not really knowing about MC, but there is still a connection that Rukia can feel when she comes across MC again. As for MC motives it can be as simple as she wants plot to remain consistent so she knows what is going on. Conclusion: Good story, wish there was more background development. I look forward to seeing where you go from here. I haven't written anything so take my suggestions with a bunch of salt.
The Arrancar
DukeNeaffy
Liked by 3 people
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Tbh I didn’t think much about the Background development as this Is my first time actually doing writing like this. as the Author The world kinda just pops in my head, The location, facial expressions, Tone of voice, Etc. so your suggestions are vaild and i will look into improvements in that direction. As I said before your constructive criticism is always welcomed. If your thought process is clear and i am able to follow it then by all means i will seriously think about it. there is always room for improvements so thank you for your insight. 😁
I agree that it would have been nice to have her journey to arrancar to have been more detailed and developed and a bit more background development. Other than that I think the story is great. I think showing a more in depth view of her training the espada/arrancar and punishing grimmjow for constantly not paying attention would be nice and possibly amusing to read.
DukeNeaffy:Tbh I didn’t think much about the Background development as this Is my first time actually doing writing like this. as the Author The world kinda just pops in my head, The location, facial expressions, Tone of voice, Etc. so your suggestions are vaild and i will look into improvements in that direction. As I said before your constructive criticism is always welcomed. If your thought process is clear and i am able to follow it then by all means i will seriously think about it. there is always room for improvements so thank you for your insight. 😁
DukeNeaffy:Tbh I didn’t think much about the Background development as this Is my first time actually doing writing like this. as the Author The world kinda just pops in my head, The location, facial expressions, Tone of voice, Etc. so your suggestions are vaild and i will look into improvements in that direction. As I said before your constructive criticism is always welcomed. If your thought process is clear and i am able to follow it then by all means i will seriously think about it. there is always room for improvements so thank you for your insight. 😁