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Review Detail of insertsound in Conquest Carnival: Two Worlds Collide

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Okay! I just finished reading the first 3 chapters - so here's my review! For the Writing Quality aspect of the novel: it's great! The descriptions of the characters are.. well, descriptive! The grammar is amazing, and the usage of different types of words / synonyms makes the writing feel professional. The fight scenes are one of the best aspects, the author playing with their words to make the fights feel more natural. Which is a good thing! Though, some things should be noted. Sometimes the author tends to use a lot of commas in the same sentence, which I get, since it helps with the go-with-the-flow style of writing. However, it can also *ruin* the sentence itself. Since with too many commas, the sentence / paragraph you're writing looks.. not very neat. But it can easily be improved! Just remember to use your periods. Also, be careful of using the word "said" after character dialogue a lot, as it tends to get very boring after a while. Also, I've noticed that the author info-dumps (which is a term for over-describing things) on some occasions. Info-dumping isn't actually bad at all! In fact, it's actually something that you *should* do. But you shouldn't do it a lot, since it might bore the readers just going through chapter and chapter reading descriptions that just don't go to the point. Maybe this is just my bias (since I'm pretty new here as well), but still, keep that in mind! For the Stability of Updates; I can tell that this is going to be a regularly updated novel, so a 5-star rating for this one! Story Development: The story seems interesting! I like the concept, too. It feels like it's actually an accurate representation of the internet in the 3rd chapter (lol). The novel seems to be going at a pretty slow pace. The 1st chapter was about the MC, Zack Rivera, waiting for a train and talking to his friends online, the 2nd chapter was about his friends fighting in the game, and the 3rd chapter was about him going home. This is only a recommendation, but pacing is pretty important to a novel. You don't want it to be too slow-paced or too fast-paced. You kinda just want to be in the middle. So it would be good to increase the pacing just a littleee (like him going home being a timeskip, instead of describing him walking all the way back). Though some may not agree with me, this is just an opinion of mine in order not to make readers too bored. Character Design: Great! I already have an image of Zack in my mind (and the blonde lady that he has a kink for ;)) so good job! World Background: Amazing. I absolutely love the high-tech vibe this novel gives. 5-star. Anyways, most of these could be easily improved if you try, so don't feel discouraged by this review! I'm actually not much of a reviewer myself, so this is more of an opinion kind of thing. Still! Your novel is going in a good direction, so keep up the good work! Thank you, and my review ends here.

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Conquest Carnival: Two Worlds Collide

MisterFlare

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MisterFlare
MisterFlareAuthorMisterFlare

Absolutely stammered by your wordy review my friend, and I am here for it. I've actually contemplated on a lot of these subject matters, and I'm happy to see some one else's view points on them. As far as pacing goes, I understand that for some and possibly even many, the slow burn is a bit of a turn-off, but I included the Slice-of-Life-ish tag as a little heads up to ensure that people expect the laid back pace. I'm afraid that if I speed things up more than this, it'll lose the unique feelings I'm trying convey with the story and character interactions. And as far as commas go, it's been apart of my writing style since I was a wee lad. I've never really gotten complaints about them before, but I'll be sure to pay extra close attention to them now, lest I accidentally ruin another precious sentence! And with the word "said," I'm already experimenting on ways to spice that up, so keep an eye out for that in future chapters! (Also, the relationship between Zack and that blonde woman is a bit more complicated than that, but I'll refrain from saying anything more than that to preserve the integrity of future chapters.) Anyways, many thanks for taking the time to review my novel, insertsound! I hope to see your comments and questions more often in the future!

insertsound
insertsoundLv1insertsound

No problem! Looking forward to this novel, my friend. :)

MisterFlare:Absolutely stammered by your wordy review my friend, and I am here for it. I've actually contemplated on a lot of these subject matters, and I'm happy to see some one else's view points on them. As far as pacing goes, I understand that for some and possibly even many, the slow burn is a bit of a turn-off, but I included the Slice-of-Life-ish tag as a little heads up to ensure that people expect the laid back pace. I'm afraid that if I speed things up more than this, it'll lose the unique feelings I'm trying convey with the story and character interactions. And as far as commas go, it's been apart of my writing style since I was a wee lad. I've never really gotten complaints about them before, but I'll be sure to pay extra close attention to them now, lest I accidentally ruin another precious sentence! And with the word "said," I'm already experimenting on ways to spice that up, so keep an eye out for that in future chapters! (Also, the relationship between Zack and that blonde woman is a bit more complicated than that, but I'll refrain from saying anything more than that to preserve the integrity of future chapters.) Anyways, many thanks for taking the time to review my novel, insertsound! I hope to see your comments and questions more often in the future!