The plot was steeped in mystery, and truth be told, that did make me on edge, wondering what would happen to the FL. But it’s very complex at the get go with the different reactions of the side characters, namely Bryce and Harith. Here are some of the issues I see here: 1. Grammar— I’ve noticed quite a lot of run-on sentences the more I read as well as incorrect verb tenses. Would recommend you fix it quickly with grammarly or another grammar correcting app as the beginning chapters is especially important to draw in new readers ! 2. Story development & Characters— At first, I was fine, but the more I read, the more confused I began to get due to the flow of the characters’ emotions. It feels slightly forced upon rather than natural. Like for example, when Bryce told Harith about ‘She wanted to keep it pure’, Harith did break down, and I can understand to a certain degree if he recalls something. Yet I also felt it was too abrupt. My advice would probably to look up references of how to show emotions in writing, as it will help in the immersion of your fans. 3. My suggestions for plot— Now this one is entirely my opinion, but I felt the need to say that you may need to give a hint or two about the vampires to the readers early on to hook them properly. Maybe like a more detailed description— forgive my rambling xD All in all though, the story is pretty clean, and I enjoyed it ! So keep up the good work, Author !
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Not at all!! Appreciate your constructive criticism so I can learn to do better <3 Agreed that grammar wise I'm not that good. I'm still learning how to use it correctly although at such a slow pace cause it's still look the same to me. (Again, this is due to my ignorance) oooh... I should try to make sure and edit on the emotions to make it look natural. Thank you though, otherwise I would not have seen it <3 and thank you for the tips!! Will amend all the grammars over time and slowly so I could see the difference and learn from my mistakes hehe. Thank you once again for giving it a try to read and for your wonderful constructive criticism (which helps a lot!) and to complete quest! hehehe.. I really appreciate your review <3 :D
