Review Detail of bibiyenini in The Legend Of Breakfire

I say that your title and synopsis were really good and quite catchy. I have to say you have a lot of potential in this story, but there was something that puts off by just reading the synopsis. The negative feedback I had in mind was the spacing of the 'Until,' and the next paragraph. I was also a little bit put off by the introduction of the characters. Maybe you could just minimize it to 7 people or a group of people, I guess. The sound of the ticking clock could be described formally too. Those are the things I would like to suggest, but, remember that you have a good style in writing! Keep it up!