Item: The Legend Of Breakfire
Rating: 4.2
Author: bibiyenini

bibiyeniniLv34yr

2020-11-04 21:37

I say that your title and synopsis were really good and quite catchy. I have to say you have a lot of potential in this story, but there was something that puts off by just reading the synopsis. The negative feedback I had in mind was the spacing of the 'Until,' and the next paragraph. I was also a little bit put off by the introduction of the characters. Maybe you could just minimize it to 7 people or a group of people, I guess. The sound of the ticking clock could be described formally too. Those are the things I would like to suggest, but, remember that you have a good style in writing! Keep it up!

The Legend Of Breakfire

_midnightsunshine_

4.6

202 Chs

Liked by 1 people

Replies2

_midnightsunshine_Author

Thank you for pointing that out, I will work on it. :)

4yr

bibiyeniniLv3

_midnightsunshine_:Thank you for pointing that out, I will work on it. :)

4yr

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