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Yarn_Boi
Yarn_BoiLv14yr
2020-08-22 11:08

Some of my biggest issues with this story are the weird slang the voice chick uses, the pacing and the MC. Slam donkeys? Pay pigging? Those terms make me cringe! The story picks up pace after the fourth chapter and before that, things are really slow. The funniest part so far was the thong scene in chapter five and that's it. The author constantly brings up the MC's hair and weight and constantly makes fun of him for it. Those jokes get old fast. Ben reminds me of Michael Scott but younger and self-aware of the fact that people don't like him. I like comedic stories where bad things happen to an unlikable protagonist (i.e. Dwight Schrute in The Office) but this story didn't make me laugh much

Liked by 30 people

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Replies3
SamsaraWithWords
SamsaraWithWordsAuthor

Even though it was a low score...Thank you for your review. As you said, the first 4 chapters are a bit slow and that's because they were really just setup. Things start picking up after 5. The next 5 chapters are written and will be released each day this week. I'm pretty confident the story is going to pick up but I'd love to have your opinion on it. Can I ask you to stick with the story for the next few days? If you still don't like it, you can send a nuke to a my house.

Barnacleboy
BarnacleboyLv15

Bit picker. Whats the problem with slam donkeys

the_excalebars
the_excalebarsLv4

perfect hounding

Barnacleboy:Bit picker. Whats the problem with slam donkeys
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