Review Detail of Yarn_Boi in My Pick Up Artist System
Review detail
Some of my biggest issues with this story are the weird slang the voice chick uses, the pacing and the MC. Slam donkeys? Pay pigging? Those terms make me cringe! The story picks up pace after the fourth chapter and before that, things are really slow. The funniest part so far was the thong scene in chapter five and that's it. The author constantly brings up the MC's hair and weight and constantly makes fun of him for it. Those jokes get old fast. Ben reminds me of Michael Scott but younger and self-aware of the fact that people don't like him. I like comedic stories where bad things happen to an unlikable protagonist (i.e. Dwight Schrute in The Office) but this story didn't make me laugh much
My Pick Up Artist System
SamsaraWithWords
Liked by 29 people
LIKEReplies3
Even though it was a low score...Thank you for your review. As you said, the first 4 chapters are a bit slow and that's because they were really just setup. Things start picking up after 5. The next 5 chapters are written and will be released each day this week. I'm pretty confident the story is going to pick up but I'd love to have your opinion on it. Can I ask you to stick with the story for the next few days? If you still don't like it, you can send a nuke to a my house.
