A book that reminds one of a light novel, which is honestly not bad considering English is not your first language. From the past to now, I can also see you are actively improving. The majority of grammar errors have cleared up, so kudos to you ! However, here are some of my issues: 1. It is more of my personal opinion, but I feel like the narrator throws me off from immersing myself fully. However, again, this isn’t an entirely big issue as this is your style. 2. Long paragraphs with somewhat lengthy descriptions. Would recommend segmenting them into small portions and scattering them across the chapter so as to not overburden some readers with info dump. 3. Grammar, but I can see it’s gradually improving ! All in all, don’t get discouraged, author ! We all start from somewhere, and I know if you persevere, you will eventually gain what you wish for. Keep it up !
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