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SolAce

SolAce

Lv3

Commenting and writing are my hobbies. Also part of the grammar police, so beware ! :3

2019-10-11 JoinedGlobal
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  • SolAce
    SolAce4d
    Replied to Houraji

    Don’t need to apologize; just glad to help

    This paragraph has been deleted.
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    Sin of Kin
    Fantasy · Houraji
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce5d
    Commented

    ‘same, yet it* felt heavier’ ( or ) ‘same yet felt heavier’ Animals, humans, trees- all of them would be* eventually devoured to feed a new seed. Hence the reason, lifting a dead body would feel heavier because it simply yearns ( or ‘yearned’ ) for home... [ second sentence would be a fragment to me ] Moreover if the numbers were close to thirty, coupled with the heavy metal armor they wore*, moving the steel-armored bodies would be* near impossible... etc...

    This paragraph has been deleted.
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    Sin of Kin
    Fantasy · Houraji
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce9d
    Commented
    "Sunflower," he says in a playful voice. "I just want to tell you before I get out-I'm kicked out of this room that don't worry so much about a dream. I dream about you daily and" -he winks at me- "they are a lot more than just kissing."
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    What a mess
    Contemporary Romance · Drapetomaniac12
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce9d
    Commented

    My confusion has cleared up, but why Author !!!

    "Not that; that's your phone, sunflower!" Ayan squeals, taking my phone cautiously in his hand and pocketing it. "Will you please tell me what I did? Your mom asked me to wake you up for school, and I had just called for you when you started yelling like a maniac..."
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    What a mess
    Contemporary Romance · Drapetomaniac12
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  • SolAce
    SolAce9d
    Commented

    She accepted him ?! In what universe and timeline am I reading this in ?!

    It's more than a question. It's a need that's burning through both of us right now. So, I grant him his wish.
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    What a mess
    Contemporary Romance · Drapetomaniac12
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce13d
    Posted

    A fairytale of fairies— and modern day humans ! Overall, the start is following the ever curious and naughty mc, Tammana, who tends to drag her friend Meera into all sorts of troubles. But sometimes, things don’t go the way we want it to be... While the concept may be prevalent in many books, I think with more polish; this could really shine. Here are some of my advice: 1. Writing quality ( 3 stars ): I found quite a lot of repeated grammar errors ranging from fragments, run-on sentences, capitalization, and misspellings. Additionally, I began to find some confusion between the two girls Tammana and Meera, which included switching their names to not clarifying ‘she’ or ‘her’. Another point I would like to make is to refrain from repeating certain words like ‘just’ or being redundant. My solution would probably to use Grammarly or another grammar correcting app while using the dictionary to search for synonyms instead of repeating. 2. Story Development ( 4 stars ): As the concept of fairy tales are used a lot, I rarely find such ideas novel or extremely exciting unless there is a hook factor, which should usually be in the first few chapters. Something I found as probably the ‘curse’ the fairies have forgotten. I think this could have been more elaborated in another way to give a deeper impression on the reader. On a side note, there might be readers who dislike the ‘info dump’ in the first chapter ( aka: the second part of the passage regarding the kingdoms or fairies ) My solution would be to more discreet and try to meld it into the passage with dialogues/ other ways instead of giving it all. But this is only an opinion, and I don’t necessarily think you have to change it bc I pointed this out. 3. World Background ( 4 stars ): I was surprised to see the humans were living in a modern world, which is a welcome change compared to other similar fairy stories. However, paired with the first chapter’s info, I feel it again needs to be ingrained more smoothly into the chapters. Although, despite all this, I hope you never get discouraged and, instead, find joy in learning more about the writing community and writing itself. If you ever do however, know that your fans and I will be cheering for you ! So keep it up, Author !

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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    Tammana is the definition of naughty

    Ch 5 Their escape.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    lord’s house!” she exclaimed with widened eyes. ( ‘unable...’ phrase is redundant in my opinion )

    "You stole the invisibility cloak from lord house." She exclaimed eyes wide unable to believe her eyes and ears.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    shouted* instantly knelt* to pick* up the bundle.

    "Hey, what are you doing?" Shouted Tammana and instantly kneel to picked up the bundle.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    Any second later* and her hands

    As of a second late and her hands would be burned by the thing in the bundle.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    When Meera gave her a questioning look, Tammana merely smirked and placed the bundle into Meera’s hands, making Meera forget her anxiety for a moment. Meera curiously opened the bundle and then threw it when she saw what* was in it.

    Tammana came back with a cloth bundle in her hand. When Meera gave her a questioning look. She just smirked and put it in her hands forgetting her amenity for a moment, she curiously opened the bundle and threw it the meant she aw what is in it.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    Tammana loosened her hold on shaking Meera before wiping her head. Tammana* kept her hand on* her knees and panted.

    Finally, when they reached there, Tammana left the hand of shaking Meera. And wiped her head. It is difficult to drag such a big girl for such a long distance. She kept her hand om her knees and panted.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    Comma after ‘go out’ smirk and* continued

    "To get our pass to go out" she replied with a smirk. And continued dragging her friend.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    Always comma before ‘which’ Comma after ‘asked’

    She gave her a small smile which is worse than crying. She gulped and asked." But why are we going there?"
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    Comma after ‘explained’ & ‘Relax’ & ‘corner’ Tammana replied as she dragged her friend, whose feet was rooted to the ground, along.

    But she still didn't move, Tammana took a deep sigh and explained. "Relax we are not going in. Okay. We are just going around the corner" she replied dragging her as her feet is not ready to move.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    “Relax, you are too tensed,” Tammana said, glaring at her friend. ( ‘second name of worry’ can be rephrased into Tammana’s inner monologue )

    " relax, you take tension of everything." She said glaring her friend that is the second name of worry
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    “What are we doing here? This place is not safe,” Meera asked again while treading carefully.

    "What are we doing here, this place is not safe." She asked again treading very carefully.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    Comma after ‘you’ Semicolon after ‘come’ ‘she’ as Tammana ‘her’ as Meera

    "Okay, now come I have a surprise for you. " she took her at the abandoned area of fairies.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    Everyone knows that keeping the enchantment used up a lot of mana, which creates instability for the caster’s mana. Hence, the lord often became* unstable, so Tammana was needed.

    Everyone knows keeping the enchantment there a lot of mana is used. Which can unstable the mana of person using it. And lord often gets unstable so they need Tammana for it.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail
  • SolAce
    SolAce14d
    Commented

    other’s mana.* Comma after ‘over it’

    "That's because only you have the power to control others mana. It helps the lord in controlling his mana when he lost control over it" she retorted.
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    My fairytale
    Fantasy Romance · nishidurani
    detail