Review Detail of Photosphere in The Eye Of The Moon Plan
Review detail
I will skip through the usual pleasantries as this review is more like a complaint than anything else, a complaint to the author that seems he's hellbent on adding flaws to his own masterpiece. As you can see everything up there are 5 stars as everything is perfect, no typos, perfect character development, and design, perfect background description. Nothing to say here. My issues are the following... Why the hell are there so few romantic scenes with Mayumi... There is a lot of contradiction regarding what exactly does this novel represents. Sometimes, it is very serious, sometimes it has comedy, sometimes it has romance and sometimes I don't know, that in itself is not the problem as a book usually has all that. The problem is that they are not being properly merged together. Sometimes a situation that should be serious turns comedic thus taking out some impact from it. Sometimes, situations that should be romantic turn serious or comedic, also taking out the impact of the romance. It is frustrating that other pairings in this novel have more moments or development than the main pairing that is MC and Mayumi. Look and learn author, you can have many pairings in a novel, but you can never show more development than necessary with the secondary pairings. You can show that there is development for example that Erika is flushing in front of Leo or something like that, indicating that there might be some relationship between them in the future or them mentioning that they're going on a date, and then show the conclusion of the date. But no one fking cares about the date itself! Bro I swear, that date between the Chiba guy and Kyoko I was like: 'Okay, they are in a relationship, and talking about their future is normal' 'Okay, she made a rather bold and sultry remark there but I guess it can be expected for a couple' 'Why the hell are you showing me the lemon!!!!'*skips lemon* 'Why the hell are you showing me the after taste!!!!!!!!!!'*skips after taste* I mean for real you only do that in these cases: Either you're planning to make a Netori scenario where MC steals her or... I don't know as nobody fking cares about them, especially when they were introduced like 5 chapters ago. So please, even Naotsugu and Mari have more moments than Mayumi and MC. I would have been more interested in an MC x Miya situation than that unsettling scene you showed. Keep a proper flow, if the novel is serious, keep it serious. If it is funny, then keep it funny. Best Regards.
The Eye Of The Moon Plan
Legendary_Person
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Thank you very much for your constructive criticism, I don't really have any experience in writing a romance especially with a usually serious character like Erik who is focused on his goal. I will try to write some chapters with some relationship development between them like a date or party chapter after we are done with the [Nine-School Competition]. I sometimes fear that people may not understand what is going on in the novel since the progression is slow and most of the interconnected things take many chapters to actually show, like the Nuclear Code thing and other things. I also will try to develop more Miya and Mc relations along with Kyouko helping Erik. Also the bald guy, but with my development speed, it will take time. I have learned a lot from your review and will try to improve myself further in story-making. Thank you very much.
Great, you can follow your slow and steady pace, I just ask you to not put so much focus on secondary characters, what they do is their business. Hope it helps.
Legendary_Person:Thank you very much for your constructive criticism, I don't really have any experience in writing a romance especially with a usually serious character like Erik who is focused on his goal. I will try to write some chapters with some relationship development between them like a date or party chapter after we are done with the [Nine-School Competition]. I sometimes fear that people may not understand what is going on in the novel since the progression is slow and most of the interconnected things take many chapters to actually show, like the Nuclear Code thing and other things. I also will try to develop more Miya and Mc relations along with Kyouko helping Erik. Also the bald guy, but with my development speed, it will take time. I have learned a lot from your review and will try to improve myself further in story-making. Thank you very much.