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Horatio_Prout
Horatio_ProutLv34yr
2021-01-13 15:17

I think this is a great story but the way she is always in a weakened state against the big threat kind of takes away some of the development

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Rados47
Rados47Author

Hey there! Shameless Author Review, let's go! A year ago, I wrote this story, but I felt like it needed some changes, so I made a rewrite. This rewrite follows the original, but its better in my opinion, so I will be saying what I think is better. First off, I think the writing. I remember my descriptions being childish last time I wrote, seeing as how it was my first time writing. I don't think that fact has changed much, but I believe there is a visible difference. I'm not that good when it comes to the writing aspect, although the ideas are in my head, bringing them out into words is a bit tough! But I believe its better than before. Next, I can promise that I'll be updating everyday. As has been observed by readers, I haven't failed to update even a single day. Going so far to bring up Power stone challenges and bringing those 5 chapters out, not even taking them as a part of my weekly schedule! I promise a minimum of 5 chapters a week, so you won't be bored a single day! Also, the story development! This part some might find annoying since its in my opinion, a BIG story! It starts of with a feeling of mystery and there being more than what everything seems, but those won't be focused on, since they only blur out the current happenings. I believe that the story is very slow paced, but this aspect will be picking up the pace with each arc. Slowly, but surely, you will notice certain events happening quicker and quicker and before you realise, the pace will be too fast to keep up with. Until then, I hope you enjoy the arcs in between them! Then there's the diverse cast. Or what I hope to be diverse. The monsters are very cliche, same common traits, looks and stereotypes. A few unconventional creatures, but not a lot, all with their own traditions, cultures, characters, attitudes and perceptions on life. I hope they blend colourfully to enthrall you readers! I spent a while thinking about the world (A year) and to be honest, after a bit of chipping and cutting out chaff, it is quite a small one, compared to what i was envisioning at first. It takes place in a small continent in a completely random world that has been altered by the actions of "gods". The land is divided into a few zones, with different races, and other twists and turns, lore and history and the other good stuff I won't be mentioning now. This is it for my review at the end of the 2nd Arc, Chapter 40 something (lol, Idk) In short, enjoy!

Phodoodles
PhodoodlesLv1

This a highly amusing piece. If you're into reincarnation & comedy this would entertain you. I liked the the pacing of the story as the author knows when to tone down and also when to place humour on some chapters. I liked Karma's sass too. Sometimes Karma would just be chill and next thing, he/she/it would be a condescending companion lmao. There are some technical issues that I bothered me as I read this. First point, punctuation marks. During the initial chapters, I noticed some parts wherein the author didn't put any indications or marks for the character's monologues/thoughts. Although it was written mostly as a First person POV, the writting gets confusing as some of the narrative parts were typed out as dialogues and sometimes the dialogues are supposed to be internal thoughts. Second, lack of vigilance in proofreading. This got progressively worse past chapter 8, as I saw a lot of run-ons, slight typos, incorrect tenses and active/passive voice misuse. At first, it was bearable, but as I get to the mid-end part of the chapter, I'm seeing those errors pop up every now and then. One of the chapters even had a character saying the word "wonder" instead of the word "wonderful" (context of the dialogue was the character is describing a good idea.) Third, limited vocabulary pool. This by far made my eyes squint a lot. Sometimes I noticed that some words were inappropriately used- or more like the context of the word doesn't fit the scenario/dialogue. I can see the author trying to show diversity on his writing, but again, just by simply placing "synonyms" won't cut it. Another thing to note, I noticed that some of the expressions and dialogues get repetitive. (One chapter even had a paragraph where the word "deem" had been repeated 3-4 times) I do recommend that the author should be vigilant in proofreading and utilizing grammar checkers. I think with minor revisions, this story would shine better.

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