webnovel
HANA_4345
HANA_4345Lv33yr
2021-12-31 10:07

So, let's go with the strong points first... The character and world-building in this story are pretty decent. Just as other reviewers have written, it has this light novel type of building which is pretty adequate for the Webnovel platform and readers. What can the author improve? 1. Grammar. (Which the author knows since in ch1 it was mentioned about the grammatical mistakes. I recommend using Grammarly or MS Word to check on those tiny mistakes. If you are writing in 3rd POV remember that most verbs are going to be in the past tense.) 2. Being clearer. I like reading the synopsis, and it took me a few times re-reading it to understand the idea. There's also a lot of redundant sentences. The same goes for the chapters I have read so far. You need to describe so your readers know but prevent being redundant. Try using pronouns. And... that's all. I hope that maybe someday the author will go back and edit the chapters. This story can have a lot of potential with a bit of more polishing.

Liked by 2 people

LIKE
Replies1
Bit_Lucky
Bit_LuckyAuthor

Thanks for the review it's been a while since I got a review that was clear on what I had to fix thanks

Other Reviews
dominick_munoz
dominick_munozLv1
Related Stories

Apocalypse: I have a supermarket stocked with supplies

Zombies, cold waves, floods, earthquakes, acid rain, tsunamis, extreme cold, high temperatures, land pollution, seven days of darkness... Since the year 2563, humanity had endured such apocalyptic crises for a full ten years. In those ten years, plants mutated, animals mutated, the food that once fed humans became toxic, and the lands that could once grow plants were now polluted. The living space for humans was increasingly compressed. And at this critical moment, a five-story supermarket suddenly appeared. Here, one could buy piping hot oden, tasty instant noodles, and sweet White Rabbit Creamy Candies... Countless Superpower Users greedily wanted to take the supermarket for themselves. And then... They were all kicked flying by Su Yinhe with one kick. Su Yinhe spread her hands, "I didn't bring the Infinite Supermarket here to be robbed; I came to make money." A Superpower User who felt like he struck gold after buying a box of instant noodles: "Miss Su is beautiful and kind-hearted, to only charge me ten gold bars for such a huge box of instant noodles." A female Superpower User who hadn't tasted sugar in ten years, with tears streaming down as she savored the candy: "Such sweet sugar, and it only costs one gold bar. Miss Su truly is a great person." A Superpower User who ate the supermarket's oden and then didn't want to leave: "I'm twenty-five this year, 188, Gold Element superpower..." Su Yinhe, only wanting to make money while holding a pile of gold bars: "Keep it low-key, low-key."

brown crow Β· Sci-fi
4.2
280 Chs

Rebirth in the Apocalypse: Third Time's a Charm

What do you do when four men come into your life and completely turn it upside down? No, seriously, I have no idea. All I wanted to do was hide away on my ranch with no one to bother me, but apparently, they had different plans. Luckily for them, this was not my first zombie apocalypse. If they learn to listen, we might just get out of this with our lives. If not, maybe I would finally be able to rest in peace. ------ Li Dai Lu was born and raised Canadian in her first life. This meant that she was taught how to share, how to put others first and to keep the peace as much as she could. However, that all backfired in a spectacular way. Reborn in a new time and place, Li Dai Lu did her best to protect all those that she could from the zombies that were wiping out the human race. Unfortunately for her, those she rescued were not as grateful as they should have been. Killed by the very people she saved, she held her breath and waited for the calm, peacefulness of death. But the Fates were not too accommodating and our heroine woke up in her third life, a year before the zombie apocalypse. This time she would live life on her own terms and to those that disagreed... well, she would have a few words for them. With four men at her side, she will shed the cloak of civility and become who she was truly meant to be. This will turn into a reverse harem where she does not have to pick. There is no m/m. Other Novels: Dancing with Monsters: Ongoing Star's Ships: Brand New! Ongoing! Discord: Sakura#6289 Discord Channel: https://discord.gg/CapanRmy Instagram: @devil_besideyou666

Devilbesideyou666 Β· Sci-fi
4.7
509 Chs

Stellar Love: An Unexpected Husband

Lora Sharp was adopted by the noble Sharp family on Main Star of Alpha since she was young. The Sharp family treated her well, and Lora had always been grateful. However, everything became awkward for her when they finally found the long-lost true heiress, Silvia Sharp. The Sharp family members said, "Lora, we've raised you for ten years in the Sharp family. How could you compete with Silvia for things?" Her fiancΓ© added, "Lora, Silvia accompanied me during my sensitive period. It's all my fault. Please don't blame her." Silvia Sharp apologized, "Lora, I didn't mean to touch your Light Brain or submit the marriage gene matching request." According to Alpha Interstellar laws, once a marriage application is submitted voluntarily, it cannot be revoked. "Silvia Sharp, I don't want any of your things," Lora Sharp turned around and resigned herself to bringing her affectionate husband back. Then she saw an exceptionally handsome man going through his rut. His furry dog-like ears trembled gently, and his clear gaze was enchanting. Nine silver-white tails danced lightly behind him. The pheromones in the air were intoxicatingly pleasant. He made a milky sound and asked, "Sister, are you here to take me home?" Lora nodded vigorously! Yes, she must bring him home! Little did she know that the one she brought home was not an ordinary therianthrope but the imperial prince, the youngest and highest-ranking Commander on the entire Alpha planet!

COL+ Yu Fei Yu Β· Sci-fi
Not enough ratings
500 Chs

Part Of Your World

Once upon a time, I had thought that the worst thing to ever happen to me was being abducted by aliens. It turns out that wasn’t the case at all. The worst thing to have ever happened was to be betrayed by the one thing you needed to survive. After the Alliance fell, my AI powered ship released me from the lab I had been in for the past few months. Not wanting to look like the monster I knew him to be, Lucifer sold me to a pleasure station, hoping that I would die a quick and painful death. He should have had a conversation with my parents before he did that. At least then, he could have been assured that I was nothing if not a constant source of disappointment. Instead of dying, I lived in that hell for almost a year before a military operation took out the pleasure station and all of us poor females with it. Thinking that this was my chance at freedom and a life of my own, I was sorely disappointed to find myself back in yet another cage. Swimming in a pool in the center of my new cage, staring up at the gold bars surrounding me, I waited. For freedom or death, I really didn’t know, but I waited. All I had ever wanted was to be part of a world, to find that one place in all the universe that belonged to me. But unlike my mermaid namesake, I had no witch to grant me my wish, no Prince Charming to save me. That was… until they showed up and killed my owner. They told me that they could take me anywhere in the known universe. I just had to ask. The problem was I had no idea where to go. I had no home and no way back to Earth. But that didn’t stop them from showing me the universe. And then, one day, I found it. The one place I could call home. It was their world... and all I wanted to be was part of it. However, before I could call it mine, I had to fight for it. Jokes on them. I’d been fighting my whole life, and now, I finally found something worth fighting for. You can run. You can hide. But if you fuck with me and mine… You best be prepared to die. My name is Ariel. Let me show you my new world. --- This is a dark novel with a dark beginning, please pay attention to the trigger warnings! Trigger Warnings: Sexual Assault (Past and Present) Physical Assault Child Bride Abusive parents Thoughts of suicide Cults (high religious content) ----- Reverse Harem, no MM Part of the Star's Ships Universe (With cross over to some of the other novels) ----- Other Novels: Rebirth In the Apocalypse: Third Time's A Charm (Completed) Fight, Flight, or Freeze: The Healer's Story (Completed) Star's Ships (Completed) Dancing with Monsters (Ongoing) As Silent As A Mouse (Ongoing) Discord ID: devilbesideyou666 Discord Chanel: https://discord.gg/rFfuaqFQFN

Devilbesideyou666 Β· Sci-fi
Not enough ratings
225 Chs