Review Detail of AteJanz in The Forgotten Memories : SHIO KAIBA

Hello author! I would be dividing my review between positive and negative feedbacks. Let's start first with the positive: -Characters are relatable -World background is good. Like u can feel you're really into their school. -I like the bond between Shio and Karen and with her friends as well. -Story concept is great. -Grammar is also excellent. Now here are my negative feedback. Consider these as tips to improve. -Regarding dialogues, it's really a bit overwhelming for me. There's too much dialogues for me, like in a paragraph all i can read are the characters' dialogues. I suggest you can add the protagonist's thoughts in between so that it won't overwhelm your readers. -Also the construction of dialogues is a little bit redundant. Like the structure goes like "Character A said in this particular tone. Character B said in this particular tone." "Character A said. Character A continued." So with that, i suggest to maybe add body gestures as they say to somehow add flavor in the dialogues. Like "Character A furrowed her eyebrows as she looks at Character B" if u are implying that Character A is confused with what Character B said. Something like that. Searching google about facial reactions in writing will help since it worked for me. -You don't have to put who said this particular dialogue if you already mentioned who have spoken it on the first line. It's just redundant and too much to read. -I already saw some readers pointing these problems out as well. Please listen to them if you want your work to improve by starting to edit the initial chapters. - Chapter one of the story is kinda boring for me. Like it will not really get your readers' attention in an instant. Maybe it's just me, not really wanting to have my first chapter as pure narration only. -Sypnosis is good with the first paragraph, but a little bit too long for me to read the whole sypnosis. -Lack in emotions and facial expressions in characters. -Lack of body gestures as what I've pointed out previously. -Lack in description as well in terms of characters' looks. *** I'm not really an expert writer, but I do hope I can help you in terms of improving your book. I'm just a newbie writer here in Webnovel anyway xD Keep improving, author-chan! ☺️