It's a good first attempt, some things I noticed though are, 1) The Mc who is apparently 17 never mentions his family or missing them or how they are doing, so I am left to assume either A) He is an orphan, B) His family are dicks or C) He does not care about his family. 2) The training speed is too damn fast, when the god mentions his gift it was that he will learn faster, not be a super prodigy, the MC learned multiple techniques to a level thats maybe a few steps below master in like 8 months or something, when for even the greatest of prodigies it took years to get to that same level in just one of those techniques. 3) This fixation on the dark dark fruit is bad, he read the description about it trying to corrupt its user and he didn't even hesitate in saying " Yea i'm saving up for that", all because it would allow him to have 2 devil fruits. With the way his training speed is going I would say his best bet is to continue training khaki, don't downgrade to devil fruit, and maybe, I dont know, use his system to help fund research. Down the line maybe someone can synthesize devil fruit abilities without the drawbacks, because lets face it, in the one piece world not being able to swim and being weak to seawater and seastone is the same as on earth being alergic to dirt, its EVERYWHERE!!
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LIKEYep agree with all this the only real review here. Adding onto all of what was said the mc is way too angry. Needs to chill, he swears all the time, it ruins the story in my opinion. The flow and everything. Why tf is he hiding his name?? It makes no sense... Nobody knows him anyway why hide it? His title can be that but wtf is the point of trying to hide his name? His whole thing of being Jack Sparrow was funny, why is he now hiding it? The mc's personality is dog sht, it is so hypocritical it's not even funny. All he does is complain about the main characters and say's everyone but him is evil. What I expected when reading the putting bounties on the marines, where on people like Akeniu, all the shtty marines who help the dragons, slavery etc. But then here he is murdering every marine he sees. It's like it is white and black. Some of the marines are bad so, they all are bad. The mc needs to learn that there are good marines as there are bad marines. Like all people really... Finally, adding onto the dark dark fruit. Honestly, it is the worst decision in the entire story. Leaving out that it CORRUPTS him, frankly the fruit itself is sht. It adds to the pain when injured, doesn't make invulnerable, has to touch them to nullify opponents df if against say Garp ppl who rely on strength and haki he is fcked. The only good thing about the fruit is you get a two for one.... What annoys me, however, is he has a whole shop of EVERY df. Why tf is the Author not being creative and thinking of creating something new? Add something unique to the story... Oh, another thing is you never get to know what the mc looks like... he does arrive on land and you find out but then he gets a haircut later... do we find out his new look? no...