webnovel
Evil_Dragon
Evil_DragonAuthor4yr
2020-06-07 06:02

Well, since this is my novel, I shall be giving my five stars. I won't write anything too much boring for you to read. If you have a doubt, reply to me on this. I will check it out and reply to you soon enough.

Liked by 28 people

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Replies23
Harem_fan
Harem_fanLv5

Will this be a harem novel?

nutt
nuttLv4

I’m hoping it’s not a harem novel because it’s tiring of seeing those types of novels with harems in them

Harem_fan:Will this be a harem novel?
DragonkingKyo
DragonkingKyoLv6

I hope it is as I never get tried of it

nutt:I’m hoping it’s not a harem novel because it’s tiring of seeing those types of novels with harems in them
Evil_Dragon
Evil_DragonAuthor

That will be a surprise... hehehe...

Harem_fan:Will this be a harem novel?
Glory_of_Shadows
Glory_of_ShadowsLv13

Did you just start writing? How many chaps per week you intend to release?

Evil_Dragon
Evil_DragonAuthor

12 per week is the plan.

Glory_of_Shadows:Did you just start writing? How many chaps per week you intend to release?
Just_A_Bored_Otaku
Just_A_Bored_OtakuLv5

#Fact check, Dan a few years after the destruction of Uzu, Tsunade left after there was no one left for her in the village, don't see her leaving her grandmother alone when there was nothing left for the old lady(Husband - dead, descendants - dead, relative's from both side of the clan- dead, only 1 granddaughter left alive, later Mito gave Kushina the 9tails and ended up dying and thats when Tsunade might have left. Sasoris parents died after the destruction of Uzu (5-6 years later) Minato was an academy student when Uzu was destroyed and a chunin by the time they died. Story line kinda haywire unless this is an alternative verse. Leaving this as a msg rather than a rating as u seem to be putting some effort in writing this fanfic, cant get myself to destroy the rating.

Evil_Dragon
Evil_DragonAuthor

I tried to stay true to the story but I know that facts have gone a little haywire. Can't help it right now. Thank you for your consideration.

Just_A_Bored_Otaku:#Fact check, Dan a few years after the destruction of Uzu, Tsunade left after there was no one left for her in the village, don't see her leaving her grandmother alone when there was nothing left for the old lady(Husband - dead, descendants - dead, relative's from both side of the clan- dead, only 1 granddaughter left alive, later Mito gave Kushina the 9tails and ended up dying and thats when Tsunade might have left. Sasoris parents died after the destruction of Uzu (5-6 years later) Minato was an academy student when Uzu was destroyed and a chunin by the time they died. Story line kinda haywire unless this is an alternative verse. Leaving this as a msg rather than a rating as u seem to be putting some effort in writing this fanfic, cant get myself to destroy the rating.
DarkKnight32
DarkKnight32Lv6

Dude you got some good idea i really hope you dont get influenced on changing the mc personality to much or doing something that you think is not the right thing to so or something that you dont want the story to go to. Do what you want with the story there is good advices that readers can give but its up to you to decide what to do dont look at commwnts that have big amount of likes also i do wonder if he will end up with kushina just like his grandfather ended with his grandmother i think thats quite a good love story anyways good luck sith the story im hoping for more chapters soon

Evil_Dragon:12 per week is the plan.
noobageddon_
noobageddon_Lv14

Your back!!! Ahaha

glo_antttt
glo_anttttLv15

do you kiss your mother w/ that mouth ?

The content has been deleted
Harem_fan
Harem_fanLv5

Why would I kiss "your mother?" and I quot......

glo_antttt:do you kiss your mother w/ that mouth ?
kukumbahwatamelon
kukumbahwatamelonLv4

For making senju qnd possibly mokuton i giff u 5 star

Lazy_NEET
Lazy_NEETLv2

Author when Will you update the douluo story i miss them

Ttsfih
TtsfihLv4

and u ?

glo_antttt:do you kiss your mother w/ that mouth ?
NotYourCat
NotYourCatLv11

You are back! Haha! Happy to hear that!

NotYourCat
NotYourCatLv11

I think you should come to make it clear first... I know it can give you more engagement when you make the romance way secret. but, if you suddenly make it become harem, your reader who hate harem will throw tantrum about harem trash wathever... And if you hinted some romance with more than one girls and make the girls paired to someone else, you will get a tantrum from your reader who love harem...

Evil_Dragon:That will be a surprise... hehehe...
Evil_Dragon
Evil_DragonAuthor

It's romance, not harem.

NotYourCat:I think you should come to make it clear first... I know it can give you more engagement when you make the romance way secret. but, if you suddenly make it become harem, your reader who hate harem will throw tantrum about harem trash wathever... And if you hinted some romance with more than one girls and make the girls paired to someone else, you will get a tantrum from your reader who love harem...
NotYourCat
NotYourCatLv11

Sure 👍 I've no problem.with it and will still read it... Altho I hope make other harem story like your past story 😅

Evil_Dragon:It's romance, not harem.
AinezOwlGown
AinezOwlGownLv2

i wanted to ask you if you dropped your lightning dragon god douluo novel?

Other Reviews
NotYourCat
NotYourCatLv11

There are times when the story that you like, become the story that you dislike because of the idealist of author want to force some plot he want... Example: The Last of Us 2 And this story It become annoying when author nerfed the MC just because he want to write bull**** rivalry... Moreover the rival is random OC, we don't care about him, and it's make the story less enjoyable. Good Rivalry needs some build up, and not randomly he is as strong as the MC, altho you write some reason why he is that strong, that just become like your unneeded reasoning for that forced plot. IMHO, rivalry plot is not gonna works in fanfics, because majority of the reader doesn't care for the rival. That will be different in original novel.because you can build up the rival, but in this story... No... I don't think it'll works... You just make many of your reader feel irritated if you forced it... Will still read it but let's see... Maybe I will drop it if some forced plot that's make me feel uncomfortable still happen... Oh, forgot to say, I recently always commented something like this when do review Please thinking about what kind of feeling you want to deliver to reader, do you want the reader feel blood pumping while reading your story, feeling relaxed, feeling sadness, or feeling happy, you should incorporate it to the plot... Think if you write this chapter will the reader feeling what I want they to felt, if I write this paragraph, will the reader feel what I want they to felt, etc... So the story you make will not become random plot without feeling, and also not triggered your reader

Tsukimikado
TsukimikadoLv4

I do not see a lot of grammar mistakes so that part is good but others?? Ohh boi, where do i even start. First, Tsunade only left Konoha nearing the end of second war because Dan die near the end of the third the reason being she is still there in konoha during Anko's cursed mark sealing flashback helping Anko with Hiruzen. Do u remember who is the same generation as Anko if not earlier? Kakashi and bunch meaning she still there during third war. So your baseless bashing of her in last few chapters left a bad taste. Yes Nawaki may died during the Second but not Dan. Also that means Tsunade is also at Konoha during Mito funeral, i mean seriously, u r forcing Tsunade who loves her grandparents way too much too out of character. Lastly, really, i mean really of all female character u chose Kushina, make no mistake, i like her and all but this also botched the canon future and i can not see the good point about it. Just way too idealistic. Plot armor is only in moderation plus doing your research about characters before u write them. Uzushiokagure case is a curious one since Kishi left a black hole in that plot in any case Hiruzen is the best military leader since he won two wars with scheming and all but he is a joke during peace time, i mean he won the second war when he do not have many SS class shinobi with him iirc only him and sakumo since the sannin were still young during that time only at the end they fought Hanzo and became famous and during the third war he prolonged the fight to nuture Minato and BOOM. He may have profitted from Uzushiogakure and Iwa, Kumo, Kiri war i do not see him selling info about the seals. Those three village only aim at Uzumaki clan because they want their bloodline and seal technique and being eliminating one of Konoha's main ally is a huge bonus to that. If Hiruzen knew about it quicker he can two pronged the villages and won it rather than prolonging it at the cost of its many shinobi lives.

Baki9933
Baki9933Lv3

First, I have to say that this story has a decent grammar, alongside the similarly-decent pacing/structure. Nonetheless, the clarity could indeed be somewhat better, honestly speaking! Currently, my biggest problem with this story is actually the author's relatively weak comprehension of the English language itself; So, let me explain now what I mean by that: He likes to write many glaring awkward sentences in a paragraph, and it's not just one or two sentences, here and there, - the entire chapters are filled with them, to be honest! It simply doesn't 'flow' well with the native speakers, such as myself, as it really takes away from the overall immersion, and the readability, of the entire story we're supposed to read here! Therefore, even though he has a nice vocabulary, and writes in a grammatically correct way, it still doesn't feel authentic to an English native speaker, who likes to read with care and doesn't just skim over the words, looking for wish fulfillment moments, Basically, even though it's not exactly on the "Engrish" level of writing, so to speak, it's really coming close to that, in fact! However, if you're in a similar bracket as the author, regarding your English grasp levels, then I guess that this won't be much of a problem for you, in the end! As for general writing; It has some nice ideas, but it also appears quite unrealistic, most of the time (this could also maybe attributed to the previous point). TL/DR: If you're an English native, I genuinely recommend staying off this story in the future!

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RaccoonLeague · Anime & Comics
4.8
501 Chs