Review Detail of mrmrcia in The Last Primal
Review detail
I could honestly say that your world-building is phenomenal. And your writing style, wherein you elucidate on matters extensively, it was a pleasure to read the progressions of your story. Lily is my favourite character here - an utterly supportive woman who have no qualms in being a helpful person in general. Even if she had her doubts, it didn't deter her will to be a kind person. As for Aden, he doesn't come as mysterious to me since his background was explained. However, I do adore him for having a vigorous intent in being a part of the society. He does invoke the feeling of an outsider. What I want to say, is that the first ten chapters or so could appear like an information dump, honestly speaking. I agree that it was necessary to have a good foundation to start your story, but as a reader, I would've preferred if the world setting was slowly disclosed throughout the whole story. For the reason that you have no auxiliary chaps to explain the world itself, it got quite confusing as I went on. (IDK, maybe I'm just stupid) With a system that was explained extensively, somehow, the overall norms of this world, levelling up, and acquisition of skills process were quite vague. If you have a concrete world, leaving the specificities of how the system works to the readers would leave to a myriad of interpretations. Though, I do think that you would expound on them soon. I suggest that you divide some paragraphs, so they won't look bulky. It is a tad tiring for readers to read such a condensed paragraph, and the information is more susceptible to be forgotten since, most likely than not, they would just scroll through it. Also, be careful of run-ons and comma splices which are catalyzed by absence/misuse of punctuation marks. You use ellipses (...) quite often. A comma, period, or a dash would suffice since the value of trailing when an ellipses is used diminished the more that you use it. Overall, your story telling is marvellous. Rest assured that you're a good writer ^^ I'm quite apologetic that I can't give a more proper review. Please don't get mad at me. :< I'll be supporting you! Thank you for writing such a wonderful story!
The Last Primal
Shaele
Liked by 37 people
LIKEReplies4
Maybe it's just me, but the reason I omitted from providing extensive auxiliary chapters is to force the reader to immerse themselves into the world and get to know it the same way as the protagonist does. The next major arc I'm currently working on will have a heavier focus on how the world is really built up, how it is designed, and finally expand on a problem that Aiden faces. I gave some hints, little morsels along with the first 40 chapters, so I'm wondering if anybody picked up some of the clues. But this problem will be something that I plan to expand a lot upon. Anyways I trailed off, so in short, thanks for the review, you gave such an extensive one that I feel so blessed. :)
As per webnovel tradition, the description doesn't really tell me what I want to know. I'm thinking of picking this up, could you tell what the MC is like though? Is he a hero, neutral, evil, etc? Thank you in advance.
Shaele:Maybe it's just me, but the reason I omitted from providing extensive auxiliary chapters is to force the reader to immerse themselves into the world and get to know it the same way as the protagonist does. The next major arc I'm currently working on will have a heavier focus on how the world is really built up, how it is designed, and finally expand on a problem that Aiden faces. I gave some hints, little morsels along with the first 40 chapters, so I'm wondering if anybody picked up some of the clues. But this problem will be something that I plan to expand a lot upon. Anyways I trailed off, so in short, thanks for the review, you gave such an extensive one that I feel so blessed. :)
Hi! Love the sarcastic start, sets the tone right! :) Anyways, I do have a hastily-written review that I pinned, that should answer most of the questions people usually have. As for Specifics about Aiden, that's a bit hard to answer in a few words. For his generic nature I would use the words, Wild, Unrestrained, Free, Emotional For his alignment, I would lean towards good, but it's not a definite good. He is certainly not evil minded, but he can and will be cruel and savage towards those that hurts his loved ones. There's a story related stuff about his changing persona, that I would not want to go into as it would ruin your potential experience, but let's just say, that the life forms he absorbs have more effect on him than the obvious.
PhilVictorovich:As per webnovel tradition, the description doesn't really tell me what I want to know. I'm thinking of picking this up, could you tell what the MC is like though? Is he a hero, neutral, evil, etc? Thank you in advance.
