Review Detail of tuba_san in A Ludicrous Royal Affair
Review detail
As a part of my new honest review swap policy, I will not hold back. The novel has the protagonist Mark who has a medical condition that makes him feel uncomfortable and physically sickened when people touch him. Based on how he was raised, this condition of his has only worsened, because now he has developed some level of social anxiety along with this condition. The POV shifts and time shifts are one of the best feature of this novel in my opinion. They create very natural transitions for the reader to easily pick up on. As a university student Mark should be in his early twenties or late teens, so he has had dermatophobia for a long time. I'd imagine that his parents must have taken him for treatment but (based on how far I've read) Mark is like a completely new patient. His behavior, thoughts and general actions indicate that he has never gone for treatment. If he hasn't than wow, if he has then I think his condition is very over exaggerated. Because treatment for this kind of condition can be behavioral or even involve exposure to condition the body into accepting the situation as normal But Mark doesn't seem like someone who has gotten any treatment. Even the helpful things he remembers are from his mother and not a doctor. But the worst thing of all is that MARKS CONDITION ISN'T ALIGNED WITH HIS SYMPTOMS. A patient of dermatophobia is not allergic to human touch. They have a fear of getting a skin disease. The actual condition where the person is uncomfortable due to contact is called haphephobia. And if the person feels pain because of being touched its called allodynia. Because of the usage of the incorrect condition I feel really upset with this novel as a whole. Mainly because BL stories like this usually have a lot of cliches (and it's not like this one doesn't have them). To use the incorrect condition to create a main character who is acceptable for the plot is a common thing for BL novels and even a bunch of tv shows. And I hate when they exaggerate a disease or misinterpret a disease. So I was really let down by the exaggeration and also the condition being incorrect completely in the first place. (This point was not reflected in my rating because this might me being overly critical) There are too many descriptions for things that aren't important for me to know. For imagination these descriptions are useful to a reader, but if a reader could get the same level of understanding with fewer words then I would prefer that. Cause for me not everything needs to be detailed to the point where I have to google what I'm even supposed to imagine. There are places where these details are okay and helpful but there are also many places where I think it's too detailed and unnecessary. The grammar is good. Some parts seem off to me but it doesn't effect my reading experience. Other times I find that a sentence has many parts to it that might not relate to eachother. I pointed a particular part out as an example of what seems off to me so hope that helps the author understand what I mean. I'd also recommend in reviewing the initial chapters with a clear mind, because there are some parts where it's possible to exchange a word with something that conveys the meaning more properly. And also to find spots where punctuations are needed for the long sentence to make sense (also marked an example for this) And I would 100% recommend revising the plot of this novel to fix the incorrect medical condition.
A Ludicrous Royal Affair
KitKatxKK
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Hi there, thank you for your honest review. I will review the name of the condition I placed him under it was not however me just grabbing anything for a plotline I do wish you had not just miscategorized and lumped me in with other authors who do this for fun. I am a mother of someone who is on the autism spectrum and has great sensitivities to being touched and to germs, hers is actually the opposite of this with people she loves she loves to be touched, but strangers she can't handle touching at all. So for me I wanted to have a book where there was someone a bit like her. I wanted to portray someone helping someone through a disease like this. My daughter wouldn't let anyone but me touch her for a really long time, which is where this idea stemmed from. I am very grateful you pointed out that I got the disease name wrong. My doctors told me my daughter had sensitivities and needed to see a therapist. Which she is. I didn't want to just call this being sensitive to touch, so I looked it up, and my research got it wrong. Sorry about that, I wish you had asked before assuming I had not done any research at all. I actually was basing this off of a medical page I was reading and my own real life experiences with a young girl who has it. But I must have gotten the exact name wrong. I am so sorry for that. I was not using the medical condition for kicks though as I explained above. It is very important to the story over all and so I do want to portray it very well and not poorly. This novel is just starting so there will be lots of points where he is actually seen going to the doctor for his condition. It was just in the earlier chapters I had to establish he had a condition that made him feel uncomfortable. And then I had to establish the other characters in this novel. because the novel has lots of time left on it I was never concerned about portraying the doctors immediately. I didn't want to bore people with his sessions and their discussions inside them, so if you stick around you will see them eventually. Also, I will continue to research these things as I do want to portray them properly. I am sorry my initial research led me in the wrong direction and left you upset. Thanks for pointing it out. I hope you get a chance to review it again later at a different time when I have had a chance to go through and change things.
Using medical conditions in stories/shows isn't always a bad thing. I really like it when a medical condition is portrayed accurately in a story/show. Why? Because as someone who understands the importance of mental health I want them to use their shows/stories to get a clear idea of the condition out there. I also want people to realize that there should be no shame in getting treatment for a mental condition. Since you're a parent to someone who has a autism, I'm sure you consulted with a lot of doctors, to make sure your daughter was not slighted by your ignorance. Your daughter's sensitivity to touch might be due to a different reason compared to someone who does not have autism but is just hypersensitive to touch. Even if the name of the disorder hadn't been wrong, I would still think that the parents in the story hadn't taken their son for treatment properly. If you want to write about a condition like this, even if you don't directly bring the condition in as a major thing in your story, it can still be a background feature you can give details about. Based on the plot you're going for I'd recommend you portray your character in a way where they don't seem completely on their own. If your character has a condition then make sure to show that they are being treated or counselled for it or how it affects them. In a story where they are not being treated/counselled it is important to show what that means for them. I understand that it was a genuine mistake. And I'm glad that you're willing to correct it.
KitKatxKK:Hi there, thank you for your honest review. I will review the name of the condition I placed him under it was not however me just grabbing anything for a plotline I do wish you had not just miscategorized and lumped me in with other authors who do this for fun. I am a mother of someone who is on the autism spectrum and has great sensitivities to being touched and to germs, hers is actually the opposite of this with people she loves she loves to be touched, but strangers she can't handle touching at all. So for me I wanted to have a book where there was someone a bit like her. I wanted to portray someone helping someone through a disease like this. My daughter wouldn't let anyone but me touch her for a really long time, which is where this idea stemmed from. I am very grateful you pointed out that I got the disease name wrong. My doctors told me my daughter had sensitivities and needed to see a therapist. Which she is. I didn't want to just call this being sensitive to touch, so I looked it up, and my research got it wrong. Sorry about that, I wish you had asked before assuming I had not done any research at all. I actually was basing this off of a medical page I was reading and my own real life experiences with a young girl who has it. But I must have gotten the exact name wrong. I am so sorry for that. I was not using the medical condition for kicks though as I explained above. It is very important to the story over all and so I do want to portray it very well and not poorly. This novel is just starting so there will be lots of points where he is actually seen going to the doctor for his condition. It was just in the earlier chapters I had to establish he had a condition that made him feel uncomfortable. And then I had to establish the other characters in this novel. because the novel has lots of time left on it I was never concerned about portraying the doctors immediately. I didn't want to bore people with his sessions and their discussions inside them, so if you stick around you will see them eventually. Also, I will continue to research these things as I do want to portray them properly. I am sorry my initial research led me in the wrong direction and left you upset. Thanks for pointing it out. I hope you get a chance to review it again later at a different time when I have had a chance to go through and change things.