tuba_san
well, hello there.
of reading
124
Read books
Badges
8Moments
342
tuba_san1yrCommentedCh 43 New System Function!- tuba_san3yrReplied to BobbyWibowo
found you!
This chapter has been deleted. - tuba_san3yrReplied to JcPancakes
cease
This chapter has been deleted. - tuba_san3yrCommented
Overall the plot is a bit rushed in my opinion. I think you should try to add some atmosphere, do some world building, that might help the pacing a bit. Other then that it's just the grammar and writing that needs a whole bunch of work. To improve your own skill level you will have to look up things and practice, but there is another issue too: careless mistakes. So you should definitely review your chapters after writing them, so you can spot the typos and errors like that yourself before posting! Since you said you'll try and edit these chapters, best of luck with that.
Ch 10 The Slaughter begins! - tuba_san3yrCommented
*spits on the ugly drawings*
" What is this? all the drawings are so ugly." - tuba_san3yrCommented
Instead of saying "apparently blood", try describing a foul odor in the air, which convinced MC (and readers) that it was blood.
After saying this the panther brought yang shi, into a cave. What yang shi saw caused him to vomit. Inside the cave was an open space, with a pool in the center, the pool was filled with dark red liquid, which was apparently human blood. Littered around it was countless bones, with four pillars at four corners. 'so, the so-called altar is an ancient formation, hmm, some runes aren't at its correct place and the blood energy is not enough the formation, Wait, hoe did I know this, Ah its the memory of that man"." who have you brought little black?" a voice boomed in the cave. - tuba_san3yrReplied to DNHELOCh 5 I have an OP system, No?(1)
- tuba_san3yrCommented
There are many errors throughout the chapter, some of which might be because of author's skill level, but others are just typos and mistakes. Would recommend reviewing the chapter after writing it to spot such errors before posting. Or coming back, reviewing an older chapter and fixing it.
Ch 4 Lucky? May be NOT. - tuba_san3yrCommented
Please tell how to "chill up"
"....." Yang shi wished nothing but to strangle this man in front of him." Calm down, calm down. you can't beat him, chill up." - tuba_san3yrCommented
What do you mean "though they are no really immortal"?
It looks like the man was pleased with the foolish expression of Yang shi." Of course, they are the cultivators, those like you read in a wuxia novel, though they are no really IMMORTAL, they also die." - tuba_san3yrCommented
his. husband. her
'I am his .... husband, Please, can you call her' - tuba_san3yrCommented
this is cursed paragraph. Please capitalize words and do not use random brackets
Today he got a call from mei xian's friend, who was also worked with her, telling him that she had gotten a fight with someone called Young master Song. Yang Shi almost dropped his phone. He knew who is this Young master Song. He was the youngest son of Song Qiming, the head of Song real estate. a powerful company. The Young master Song is very notorious for raping girls and killing them. [ This girl never listens to me. How many times I told her to not mess with such people, what if...." Yang Shi didn't dare to think more as he dashed to Mei Xian's workplace... - tuba_san3yrCommented
not fought. it's fight
" Huh...are you talking to me, why shouldn't I fought with them?" - tuba_san3yrCommented
don't capitalized unnecessary words
This paragraph has been deleted. - tuba_san3yrReplied to profdiemCh 51 1+1=?
- tuba_san3yrCommentedCh 49 Sixth High's Most Outstanding Student