webnovel
texascann
texascannLv104yr
2020-07-21 03:40

I've read 5 chapters so far. In Chapter 1, characters are described well. They are further formed in the next two chapters. I loved the Cafe name- Frosty! Kk In Chapter 4, A great description of the birthday party. Liked Mr. Gibson's light, happy character, and playfulness. Also, the fight between Ariena and Charlotte was so well described. I liked how when Ariena started playing Charlotte and her cronies "put down" game, Charlotte became physical and pushed Ariena. Good plot. I did notice some grammatical errors and misspelled words but they in no way obstructed the plot in the book. Great job!

Liked by 2 people

LIKE
Replies1
Amourbooks
AmourbooksAuthor

Thanks for giving time for my book and sparing time to review it...

Other Reviews
neaht3
neaht3Lv2

The author has invested a lot of time in this work, and it is visible. I like how the characters are contrasting with each other. Some are kind, others drip poison from every word they say, third can be rather neutral or biased! It's so colorful. The author takes time to develop the characters personality-wise but also attempts to psychologically assess them or the least to reason their choices. Why something was done, why another thing was not done - the rationality is kept even within irrational choices the main characters did. I like that. I would say that grammar-wise it still has some way to go but, to be honest, many novels I have read do have some work to do on the grammar. Therefore, paid authors do hire editors and proofreaders! So, I would not criticize the grammar. English is understandable and delivers the emotional parts very well. My only advice is to work a bit on the world-building. The author does mention now and then what world Ariena lives in, how she grew up, and how she sees the world - however, this is more of a psychological assessment of the character. If you invest in world-building, you can also reap some fruits of a dynamic plot. World-building can open opportunities for some really unknown or mysterious situations where you can 'test' your developed characters. However, I am not a person who is into romance genre that much. So, it might be just my obsession with world-building '_' So, do not take me to heart. Probably a person who is obsessed with romance would tell me to shut the heck up hahaha. Conclusion. The author is strong when it comes to the character's design and psychological explanation for situations, choices, feelings, etc. The story pace is good though... in the beginning, I felt it was a bit dragged but it had its reason as some predisposition had to be laid for later chapters. Therefore, this is not a critique. However, the world background is a bit weak in my opinion. I would definitely try to bring some meat to the boney settings as the way it is, the chapter might lose its shine after another 40 chapters. However, one cannot judge as it is not clear how long the author plans it to be. In my opinion, I would try to bring in a bit of the world development, what the environment they live in can bring? How can you manipulate it? Would it change your character or would your character change the environment? Hm. Given the fact you are into psychological things, I am very sure that world background would only benefit you.

Related Stories

Madam, Your Identities are being Exposed One by One!

A menace. A delinquent. A disappointment. If you ask anyone how they would describe Jiang Yue, it would be those three words. She has a bad reputation. She dropped out from school at the age of 6. She left her father who was in a vegetative state to roam around and wreck havoc in other cities. That's what she is known for. They all thought she spent her days just getting into trouble, living life recklessly. What others didn't know though was those words are far from what she actually is! A Genius! She has a bad reputation because she never hesitates to use violence against those who seek to harm her. She dropped out from school at the age of six because she has learned everything there is to learn in the school! She left her father to create a machine that could help him recover and she roamed around to find those who hurt her father and avenge him! She won't spare anyone who harmed her family! She will find those bastards who killed her Older Brother, caused her father to be in a vegetative state, and hurt her sister. However, things didn't go the way they should be. She's back in high school to fulfill her promise to her sister, but why is it that she got a clingy Young Master stuck to her instead? *** On a certain night, Jiang Yue and Luo Zhelan met in an unexpected situation. On that day, Luo Zhelan had no idea that the woman standing in front of his car with a gun in her bloodied hand would be the woman who would complete his life. "Young Master Luo, Young Madam is trending again on Weibo!" A subordinate reported. The Young Master narrowed his eyes, "What is it again this time?" "It turns out she's the person behind Allico Intelligence! She created it and made it into one of the leading tech giants in the country!" A certain subordinate reported. "Brother Zhe, there was some news going around!" His good friend exclaimed at him. Luo Zhelan asked, "What news?" "Sister-in-law is Shadow! The top assassin that brought up 'Fallen Vengeance'! The league that was made up of all the feared assassins!" "Young Master Luo, look at this post!" "Son, why is Principal Wei calling Xiao Yue 'disciple'?" "Brother Zhe, Sister-in law created Altersky?!" "Young Master! I found out something about Young Madam!" A certain Young Master was dumbfounded.

Nnaise · Urban
4.5
346 Chs

One Wild Night

Lucinda Perry, a social recluse and a workaholic, makes a pledge to herself to go all wild on her twenty-fifth birthday and even score a one night stand if she gets her long deserved promotion at work. Few days to her twenty-fifth birthday, she gets promoted to not just a higher position but to the head office in a different city. Having to spend her birthday night in a new city, she goes to the club where she meets a very handsome stranger, Thomas Hank, who offers to be her one night stand after catching a glimpse of her dare-to-do list, which included having a one night stand. Thomas Hank, after having been used by several ladies in the past, is bent on getting the lady of his dreams who would love him for himself and not his wealth. So when he meets the cute and naive Lucinda Perry at the club, he decides to keep his true identity from her and find out if she was worth keeping. ***Excerpt*** What is more entertaining than a crazy side character? Say hello to Sonia and Bryan. Sonia's heart stopped beating for a second, and then different thoughts started flying right through her head at that same time. Bryan Hank? Her celebrity crush was kneeling right in front of her and asking her to be his wife? Was he mistaking her for someone? Was it possible this was a skit, or maybe this was like one of those celebrity pranks, and there were cameras around, waiting to capture her make a fool of herself? Or perhaps she was dreaming? Sonia wondered as she looked around them, but all she saw were curious onlookers. "Please! Be my wife and make me the happiest man on Earth," He said in a very loud voice that caught the attention of everyone. Her editor who she had been waiting on for over an hour because he was trying to sign a deal with a movie producer who was interested in one of her stories, showed up at that moment, "Sonia, you know Bryan Hank?" Her editor asked in genuine surprise as he watched the scene before him. It seemed like an hour had passed since Bryan went on his knees, but it had only been a minute. Bryan knew no lady would be crazy enough to accept such a crazy proposal, and even if any were, paying her off and calling off the whole thing would be easy since all he wanted was the scandal that could come from this. The headlines were either going to be about his rejected Marriage proposal or his supposed engagement, which would be enough to let Sophia off the hook. "Yes!" Sonia said as she bobbed her head excitedly and extended her finger for him to wear her the ring. "Yes?" Bryan asked in confusion when he heard her response. "Yes! I will be your wife and make you the happiest man in the world!" Sonia said with a giggle and wiggled her fingers until Bryan slid the ring down her finger. Surprisingly the ring was her exact size, and it sat on her finger like it was made just for her. The sound of applause erupted all around them as Sonia stood up with a big smile on her face and embraced Bryan before kissing him right on the lips. Bryan was slightly taken aback by her boldness but quickly recovered since this was his game, and he had to play along. He was the one who had approached her first, after all. So when she tried to break the kiss, he held her chin and slowly nibbled on her lower lip before parting her lips with his tongue and sucked on it in a teasing manner, eliciting a moan from Sonia. Sonia felt light-headed. This was too good to be true. It just had to be a dream. How else could she explain that one moment she was seated at the lobby of a hotel waiting for her editor, and the next she was engaged to her celebrity crush and was kissing him right here in the open? (PS: Photo belongs to me. Art by @imagineTishaD)

Miss_Behaviour · Urban
4.8
1016 Chs

After Transmigrating, the Fat Wife Made a Comeback!

Qiao Mei transmigrated into a novel as a supporting character with the same name as her who lacked presence. This supporting character was a country bumpkin who couldn’t get married due to her obesity. According to the original script, this country girl Qiao Mei was a fatty spoiled by her grandfather. However, their relatives were all vicious and cruel people. Her grandfather had poor health, so once he died, the relatives would divide and swallow up his assets. Hence, her grandfather’s greatest wish was to marry Qiao Mei off. For this, even sacrificed and betrayed his good friend’s grandson, Xia Zhe. Grandpa got Xia Zhe drunk and had Qiao Mei forcibly take the strong and handsome Xia Zhe with her body which weighed more than two hundred pounds. Then, grandpa would catch them the next day and force Xia Zhe to marry Qiao Mei. However, that eventually caused the start of Qiao Mei’s unfortunate life. Also, in the original story, Qiao Mei took possession of Xia Zhe’s mysterious jade. But due to Qiao Mei’s stupidity, her cousin's sister had tricked Qiao Mei into giving her the jade, which resulted in the cousin’s family becoming rich. When Qiao Mei transmigrated here, it was during the awkward moment when she was making love to the man after making him drunk. She woke up groggily the next day and grandpa’s team had already appeared at the door. Qiao Mei was frightened. She didn’t want to proceed on the original path and marry a man who didn’t love her. And so, she lied and chased grandpa away. She also pushed the man out before forcing herself to look at her tanned and chubby reflection in the mirror! Alas, she cried at her ugly appearance… Like a sumo wrestler in large cloth underwear, even the plus-sized apparel shops didn’t have clothes in her size. And her face was the size of a pizza, a scorched pizza! Qiao Mei decided to reform her life! The first step, lose weight! The second step, clean up her room! She used to be particular about cleanliness, and although her current house had a huge courtyard, she could only describe it as messy! The third step was to hold onto the jade tightly so her greedy cousin wouldn’t stand a chance! Only, wasn’t the tall and handsome Xia Zhe supposed to hate her according to the original story? Why was he being nicer and nicer to her?

Mountain Springs · Urban
4.7
2412 Chs