There are quite a few issues with this story. First and foremost is how absolutely slowly it moves. By chapter 20, the story has barely even begun, and it took about 11 chapters to reach what should have essentially been the first. This feels like a result of you going into extreme detail about backstory and world building before even giving the reader a chance to care about your characters. These are things that should have been introduced gradually, and less forcefully, as the story progressed, not all at once at the beginning. You also have a tendency to over explain things a lot. This not only takes up 200+% more words than you need to, it gets very tiring to read. The grammar is okay, but not great. You use "!!!!" and "???" and chatroom-like syntax, and it makes your story come off as if written by an overly excited teenage girl (which may be the case, I don't know). Your dialogue tends to be heavy eye-roll material as you often use it for exposition, making your characters come off as robotic and unrealistic. Backstory should not be forced into dialogue. It kills a story. And you've done that /a lot/ in yours, and right from the start as well. You've got a few interesting ideas and some potential, but the way you write seriously needs an overhaul. Spend a little time reading better written works, see how they do things and try to reach where you are at Ch20 in 2-4 chapters instead. Good luck.
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"...how absolutely slowly it moves" .. there are way more stories out there that crawl even slower. "...detail about backstory and world building...not all at once at the beginning" .... its good and appropriately done. Maybe you r the type that don't care about background and just like info dumps once in a while every 100 chapters or so. ".. tendency to over explain things ..:" ...there are way many more authors out there who do even more bs explaining then done here. "..grammar is okay, but not great.." ...did you perhaps secure the highest marks in your class in english? "...written by an overly excited teenage girl " ..well ok grandpa you can move on to the next life. "....reach where you are at Ch20 in 2-4 chapters " ..what hilariousness? this is a web novel not a Jane Austin classic. What you are suggesting is for the author to go full time into writing and book publishing.
“Murderers are bad.” “But pedos are worse, your argument is thus null and void.” 👌👏👏👏👏
Ronaldo_Caouna:"...how absolutely slowly it moves" .. there are way more stories out there that crawl even slower. "...detail about backstory and world building...not all at once at the beginning" .... its good and appropriately done. Maybe you r the type that don't care about background and just like info dumps once in a while every 100 chapters or so. ".. tendency to over explain things ..:" ...there are way many more authors out there who do even more bs explaining then done here. "..grammar is okay, but not great.." ...did you perhaps secure the highest marks in your class in english? "...written by an overly excited teenage girl " ..well ok grandpa you can move on to the next life. "....reach where you are at Ch20 in 2-4 chapters " ..what hilariousness? this is a web novel not a Jane Austin classic. What you are suggesting is for the author to go full time into writing and book publishing.
Why are you attacking the commentvof Wallabolazo? It is justified in addition to being usefully constructed. As a reader you may not know it, but for an author the lack of negative reviews is a terrible thing, as these are chances to see what we as an author have not seen. The positive reviews are encouraging, but in truth they are only cancers for the improvement of a story. And I agree with what he says. These things make reading unpleasant, and it's not that hard to fix them once you know it. Good luck author
Very well writen review👌
Thanks for this review. I always look for a positive and negative review with substance before reading a novel, and this is one of the most constructive I’ve seen. keep it up sir!
Here's a question dear reviewer will I need to read rise of a demon god to understand this story or can I just read this and then read rise of the demon god if I like this one
You can start with this one without reading that,
Primordial_Phoenix:Here's a question dear reviewer will I need to read rise of a demon god to understand this story or can I just read this and then read rise of the demon god if I like this one
In 20 chaps, I've written the backstory, his death, his rebirth, his meeting his new family, his getting adopted, his learning skills, his going in a coma, his walking up, his powers awakening. I personally believe that some things need time, you can say that it's slow, but if I did it all in 2-4 chapters, there will be someone saying that it was too rushed.
Primordial_Phoenix:Here's a question dear reviewer will I need to read rise of a demon god to understand this story or can I just read this and then read rise of the demon god if I like this one
Worst argument ever🤣
Ronaldo_Caouna:"...how absolutely slowly it moves" .. there are way more stories out there that crawl even slower. "...detail about backstory and world building...not all at once at the beginning" .... its good and appropriately done. Maybe you r the type that don't care about background and just like info dumps once in a while every 100 chapters or so. ".. tendency to over explain things ..:" ...there are way many more authors out there who do even more bs explaining then done here. "..grammar is okay, but not great.." ...did you perhaps secure the highest marks in your class in english? "...written by an overly excited teenage girl " ..well ok grandpa you can move on to the next life. "....reach where you are at Ch20 in 2-4 chapters " ..what hilariousness? this is a web novel not a Jane Austin classic. What you are suggesting is for the author to go full time into writing and book publishing.
you just dismissed constructive criticism with "OtHeRs Do ThAt ToO"... idiot.
Ronaldo_Caouna:"...how absolutely slowly it moves" .. there are way more stories out there that crawl even slower. "...detail about backstory and world building...not all at once at the beginning" .... its good and appropriately done. Maybe you r the type that don't care about background and just like info dumps once in a while every 100 chapters or so. ".. tendency to over explain things ..:" ...there are way many more authors out there who do even more bs explaining then done here. "..grammar is okay, but not great.." ...did you perhaps secure the highest marks in your class in english? "...written by an overly excited teenage girl " ..well ok grandpa you can move on to the next life. "....reach where you are at Ch20 in 2-4 chapters " ..what hilariousness? this is a web novel not a Jane Austin classic. What you are suggesting is for the author to go full time into writing and book publishing.
Your argument is comparing him to other authors. That doesn't make sense as just because other authors do it, it doesn't make it right nor does it give the reader enjoyment.
Ronaldo_Caouna:"...how absolutely slowly it moves" .. there are way more stories out there that crawl even slower. "...detail about backstory and world building...not all at once at the beginning" .... its good and appropriately done. Maybe you r the type that don't care about background and just like info dumps once in a while every 100 chapters or so. ".. tendency to over explain things ..:" ...there are way many more authors out there who do even more bs explaining then done here. "..grammar is okay, but not great.." ...did you perhaps secure the highest marks in your class in english? "...written by an overly excited teenage girl " ..well ok grandpa you can move on to the next life. "....reach where you are at Ch20 in 2-4 chapters " ..what hilariousness? this is a web novel not a Jane Austin classic. What you are suggesting is for the author to go full time into writing and book publishing.
