webnovel
Gamer_Tricker
Gamer_TrickerLv41yr
2024-01-06 22:12

come back brotoo good all overyou are God level

Liked it!

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
Mysti
MystiLv4

Review as of chapter 14. Writing quality: it's a lot better than the majority of fanfics on this site. But, there's still problems. In earlier chapters and sometimes in later ones, the way you lay out your sentences blows. It'll be grammatically correct, but it's a chore to read. This is because it's not broken up correctly with commas, full stops, and more. It's like writing 'I woke up then I ate but then did this', add some commas or break it up into multiple sentences. Writing is an art, make it flow. There, they're and their. There are 3 of them. Stop using 'their' for every situation. It's like you don't know which to use so you just use one, knowing that you'll get it right at least some of the time. They're really not hard to learn. Your use of parentheses. Fuc#ing annoying. Don't add them mid speech. At all. "do you understand?" I nod, and he smiles at my attention before continuing, "excellent, then we can move on." Write it like that. Don't just put (I nod), in the middle of a characters speech. Regarding parentheses when he's thinking to himself, I guess I can let it slide. Update stability: Looking at the time stamps so far, you're A-OK. Story development : incredibly generic so far. It hasn't got something that any other HP fanfic hasn't done before, and there's no unique twist at all yet, except perhaps elements, but we haven't gotten that far yet. Harry is the heir to two A&N houses, Harry is rich, Harry owns shares in a bunch of places, Harry buys shares in future companies, Harry has an army of house elves and so on. Its really nothing new. Character design: at the moment? Rather dull. We don't really know anything about anyone. Our MC is hard working and wants to learn a bunch of magic. Why? I don't really know. Our only long-term goal rn, is 'defeat moldyshorts'. But that's not much of a goal when you're a reincarnation with foreknowledge. The only other people we've met are house elves and the Founders, and we know nothing about them apart from generic house elf bs, and what the Founders teach. We had a small conversation about how sal has a stick up his bum, and the 2 women are kinda mediators and at one point Rowena skips because there's a lot of books. That's it. World background: boring and overused. The only thing that feels new is that you named a bunch of other magical schools. That we don't know anything about. So I can't really give any props. It's basically vanilla HP plus Harry's new mansions, which aren't described at all. Unless you count him saying they have servant quarters and greenhouses, which I don't and neither should you. We've been to diagon and gringotts, but only for the standard tropey reasons. Do blood test, get rings, tell goblins about horcrux, be best friend to the gobs, get cool magical muggle clothes at malkins. Boring. Nothing is really described or added to. On the whole, this has potential. At the moment it's him just setting up for the future but it's kinda dull. It's written well enough that you can read it to pass the time, but it's not engrossing. With how it's going so far, i feel it'll only get interesting once we hit the MCU. At the moment it's very much a generic HP story, so I have hopes for the MCU and elemental magic. At the very least, it's a decent story. A lot better than the trash usually found on this site.

Related Stories

Harry Potter: Dimensional Wizard

Edward was reincarnated into the world of Harry Potter, an act which excites him giving the fact that this was one of his favorite books. So, he embarks on the path of wizardry in the hope of discovering the way it works, the laws or theories that govern it; he wanted to find its essence. When Edward finally uncovers the answers to the question he pondered on, he suddenly thought to himself: "Since the world of Harry Potter is real, what about all the other anime, movies, games, and books that I read from my past life? And if they are indeed real, how I can I get there?" This story is an Infinite Stream novel where the mc travels through different anime and movie worlds acquiring various magical abilities and knowledge in order to become a supreme wizard that stands on the top of countless dimensions and universes. This is a wish-fulfillment and Mary Sue novel so read at your own risk, and stop complaining about it. This is not a villain story, more like a morally gray one. Warnings: The MC will spend a great deal of time in the Harry Potter World before going to other worlds. I have not decided whether the [Curse Child] is canon or not. I do not care what JK Rowling said. Although this fanfic will be a Harem, the mc will not have a thousand women. Most likely, I will write so that he has a certain relationship with some female characters, then he will leave her in her own universe. Only a few will follow him in his journey. Also, a few men will also be in his group. THIS IS NOT A YAOI. If you enjoy my writing, please go read my other novel. [Journey of the Fate Destroying Emperor] Although the story is slow in the beginning, it is worth the wait for the later plots. Also published on royalroad.com Go check out my Pa.tr.eon: .https://www.patreon.com/LazySageDao Or just go into the site and search for my author name (LazySageDao). So, go and support me if you can. Discord: https://discord.gg/bnsezTApeY Disclaimer: All the characters in this novel belong to JK Rowling, and I'm just using them to write my own story. If the creator of the cover wants me to remove it, comment so in one of the newest chapters.

LazySageDao · Book&Literature
4.4
661 Chs

Harry Potter with Technology System

In an innovative reimagining of the Harry Potter universe, this novel introduces a unique twist to the beloved story, focusing on Harry Potter's journey enhanced by the Technology System (TS) and his interactions with Nigel, an AI assistant. The narrative follows a young Harry Potter, who is not just a budding wizard but also a tech-savvy genius, thanks to the advanced Technology System embedded within him. This system, operating through a symbiosis of magic and technology, provides Harry with unprecedented magical analysis, data storage, and real-time spell and potion assistance. At the heart of this system is Nigel, an AI with the personality of a British gentleman, known for his dry humor, sarcasm, and witty remarks that often add a humorous touch to Harry's adventures. As Harry prepares for his first year at Hogwarts, he delves into potion brewing and spellcasting with a proficiency far beyond his years, thanks to the Technology System's virtual environments and Nigel's tutelage. His unique approach to magic, combined with his technological edge, sets him apart, promising a future where he surpasses his canonical counterpart. The Technology System, especially the Virtual Potion Crafting Room, becomes a pivotal tool in Harry's magical education, allowing him to experiment and master potions in a safe, controlled environment. This feature, along with the System's ability to analyze and store vast amounts of magical knowledge, becomes indispensable to Harry's growth as a wizard. The novel is a fresh take on the Harry Potter story. 1. Smart MC Expect a Harry Potter who is not just magically gifted but also technologically adept, using the advanced Technology System to enhance his magical abilities and knowledge. This version of Harry demonstrates a level of intelligence and problem-solving skills that surpasses his original portrayal. 2. Witty and Sarcastic AI Companion Nigel, the AI assistant with a personality reminiscent of a British gentleman, brings humor and sarcasm to the narrative. His interactions with Harry are not just helpful but also entertaining, adding a unique flavor to the story. 3. Evolved Relationships Watch as the dynamics between Harry and his family, especially Aunt Petunia, transform dramatically. The story explores the emotional growth and understanding that develops between them, influenced by magical and non-magical factors. 4. Enhanced Magical Skills Harry's proficiency in magic, particularly in potion brewing and spellcasting, is heightened through his use of the Technology System. His approach to magic is more analytical and precise, leading to a faster and more profound mastery of magical arts. 5. Manipulation Lots of and lots of manipulation. 6. Adventure and Exploration Harry's journey is filled with adventure and exploration, amplified by his technological edge. From uncovering family secrets in Gringotts to experimenting with new magical techniques, each chapter brings new discoveries and challenges. 7. Unique Magical Training The Virtual Potion Crafting Room and other innovative features of the Technology System offer a unique perspective on magical training. Harry's learning process is more interactive, experimental, and efficient, showcasing a different approach to mastering magic. 8. Humor and Levity Nigel's presence ensures that the story, while rich in magical lore and technology, does not lack humor. His witty comments and sarcastic quips provide moments of levity throughout Harry's journey. 9. A Fresh Take on Canon The novel reimagines the Harry Potter universe, offering a fresh perspective while staying true to the essence of the original story. Expect familiar settings and characters, but with new twists and turns that set this novel apart.

TheFanficGod · Book&Literature
4.7
398 Chs