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AlienWarlord
AlienWarlordAuthor4yr
2020-02-27 17:51

Only wrote one chapter so far but who cares I’m the author. Shameless 5 stars baby. πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

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Brian70707
Brian70707Lv15

Question about mcu aspect is it the movies and tv or comics Will you incorporate xmen, deadpool, etc into it Will you let your mc kills villains carnage or kingpin Will you get your mc to recruit villains for example sandman or bullseye Couple requests if it is set on movies and tv could you save the family of the punisher- could use it as a way to gain a loyal follower who is highly skilled Have him travel and train at kun lunch and under the ancient one When iron man is captured just before he goes out in armour rescue him and ho yinsen, you won't gain their loyalty but would gain their trust. Have him turn around in a chair/ be in dark to surprise nick fury then inform him of hydra Make him make defenders before avengers starting point

Brian70707
Brian70707Lv15

Since he is studying magic have him take the research for those hammer. Have him steal one or more of infinity stones for example when Loki attacks New York at end make him steal the tesseract and scepter. Doesn't have to use them just have them how many can say they held an infinity stones for certain period of time.

Brian70707
Brian70707Lv15

Informing of hydra would have to be before avengers

Brian70707:Question about mcu aspect is it the movies and tv or comics Will you incorporate xmen, deadpool, etc into it Will you let your mc kills villains carnage or kingpin Will you get your mc to recruit villains for example sandman or bullseye Couple requests if it is set on movies and tv could you save the family of the punisher- could use it as a way to gain a loyal follower who is highly skilled Have him travel and train at kun lunch and under the ancient one When iron man is captured just before he goes out in armour rescue him and ho yinsen, you won't gain their loyalty but would gain their trust. Have him turn around in a chair/ be in dark to surprise nick fury then inform him of hydra Make him make defenders before avengers starting point
Brian70707
Brian70707Lv15

Another suggestion the invisibility cloak since it is meant to be given from death and can hide from death then why not change it slightly since it is an mcu cross over The cloak isnt an invisibility cloak at all but a cloak that places the person wearing it in a different mirror dimension hidden and protected from all with lower power level than death. Hidden also from heimdall If you dont wish to change it from invisibility cloak then buy a another one augment it to provide protection from attacks so mc can be invisible and protected

Brian70707
Brian70707Lv15

Hi author me again, if you plan to start a new mcu story why not incorporate it into this one. Could make it the new mc is another pwrson reincarnated into mcu harry potter cross over have him reincarnate as someone who is meant to be a villain Or as tony starks brother

Brian70707
Brian70707Lv15

Hi author me again lol, another suggestion if you want your mc to earn quick easy money have him release works from the future early. This way he owns the tights to it etc. Easy example the disney movie frozen, earned more than a billion dollars world wide but its toys sales more than 107 billion dollars

Brian70707
Brian70707Lv15

The rights not tights autocorrect for some reason

Brian70707:Hi author me again lol, another suggestion if you want your mc to earn quick easy money have him release works from the future early. This way he owns the tights to it etc. Easy example the disney movie frozen, earned more than a billion dollars world wide but its toys sales more than 107 billion dollars
Marvel_Olympia
Marvel_OlympiaLv4

Can you keep writing this along with your Tom Riddle story? It’s really Good

Jason_Kelly_9462
Jason_Kelly_9462Lv4

Please continue or send me a copy so I can

Stephen_Crawley
Stephen_CrawleyLv13

Are you going to continue this?

Other Reviews
Mysti
MystiLv4

Review as of chapter 14. Writing quality: it's a lot better than the majority of fanfics on this site. But, there's still problems. In earlier chapters and sometimes in later ones, the way you lay out your sentences blows. It'll be grammatically correct, but it's a chore to read. This is because it's not broken up correctly with commas, full stops, and more. It's like writing 'I woke up then I ate but then did this', add some commas or break it up into multiple sentences. Writing is an art, make it flow. There, they're and their. There are 3 of them. Stop using 'their' for every situation. It's like you don't know which to use so you just use one, knowing that you'll get it right at least some of the time. They're really not hard to learn. Your use of parentheses. Fuc#ing annoying. Don't add them mid speech. At all. "do you understand?" I nod, and he smiles at my attention before continuing, "excellent, then we can move on." Write it like that. Don't just put (I nod), in the middle of a characters speech. Regarding parentheses when he's thinking to himself, I guess I can let it slide. Update stability: Looking at the time stamps so far, you're A-OK. Story development : incredibly generic so far. It hasn't got something that any other HP fanfic hasn't done before, and there's no unique twist at all yet, except perhaps elements, but we haven't gotten that far yet. Harry is the heir to two A&N houses, Harry is rich, Harry owns shares in a bunch of places, Harry buys shares in future companies, Harry has an army of house elves and so on. Its really nothing new. Character design: at the moment? Rather dull. We don't really know anything about anyone. Our MC is hard working and wants to learn a bunch of magic. Why? I don't really know. Our only long-term goal rn, is 'defeat moldyshorts'. But that's not much of a goal when you're a reincarnation with foreknowledge. The only other people we've met are house elves and the Founders, and we know nothing about them apart from generic house elf bs, and what the Founders teach. We had a small conversation about how sal has a stick up his bum, and the 2 women are kinda mediators and at one point Rowena skips because there's a lot of books. That's it. World background: boring and overused. The only thing that feels new is that you named a bunch of other magical schools. That we don't know anything about. So I can't really give any props. It's basically vanilla HP plus Harry's new mansions, which aren't described at all. Unless you count him saying they have servant quarters and greenhouses, which I don't and neither should you. We've been to diagon and gringotts, but only for the standard tropey reasons. Do blood test, get rings, tell goblins about horcrux, be best friend to the gobs, get cool magical muggle clothes at malkins. Boring. Nothing is really described or added to. On the whole, this has potential. At the moment it's him just setting up for the future but it's kinda dull. It's written well enough that you can read it to pass the time, but it's not engrossing. With how it's going so far, i feel it'll only get interesting once we hit the MCU. At the moment it's very much a generic HP story, so I have hopes for the MCU and elemental magic. At the very least, it's a decent story. A lot better than the trash usually found on this site.

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