Review as of chapter 14.
Writing quality: it's a lot better than the majority of fanfics on this site. But, there's still problems. In earlier chapters and sometimes in later ones, the way you lay out your sentences blows. It'll be grammatically correct, but it's a chore to read. This is because it's not broken up correctly with commas, full stops, and more. It's like writing 'I woke up then I ate but then did this', add some commas or break it up into multiple sentences. Writing is an art, make it flow.
There, they're and their. There are 3 of them. Stop using 'their' for every situation. It's like you don't know which to use so you just use one, knowing that you'll get it right at least some of the time. They're really not hard to learn.
Your use of parentheses. Fuc#ing annoying. Don't add them mid speech. At all.
"do you understand?" I nod, and he smiles at my attention before continuing, "excellent, then we can move on."
Write it like that. Don't just put (I nod), in the middle of a characters speech. Regarding parentheses when he's thinking to himself, I guess I can let it slide.
Update stability: Looking at the time stamps so far, you're A-OK.
Story development : incredibly generic so far. It hasn't got something that any other HP fanfic hasn't done before, and there's no unique twist at all yet, except perhaps elements, but we haven't gotten that far yet. Harry is the heir to two A&N houses, Harry is rich, Harry owns shares in a bunch of places, Harry buys shares in future companies, Harry has an army of house elves and so on. Its really nothing new.
Character design: at the moment? Rather dull. We don't really know anything about anyone. Our MC is hard working and wants to learn a bunch of magic. Why? I don't really know. Our only long-term goal rn, is 'defeat moldyshorts'. But that's not much of a goal when you're a reincarnation with foreknowledge. The only other people we've met are house elves and the Founders, and we know nothing about them apart from generic house elf bs, and what the Founders teach. We had a small conversation about how sal has a stick up his bum, and the 2 women are kinda mediators and at one point Rowena skips because there's a lot of books. That's it.
World background: boring and overused. The only thing that feels new is that you named a bunch of other magical schools. That we don't know anything about. So I can't really give any props. It's basically vanilla HP plus Harry's new mansions, which aren't described at all. Unless you count him saying they have servant quarters and greenhouses, which I don't and neither should you. We've been to diagon and gringotts, but only for the standard tropey reasons. Do blood test, get rings, tell goblins about horcrux, be best friend to the gobs, get cool magical muggle clothes at malkins. Boring. Nothing is really described or added to.
On the whole, this has potential. At the moment it's him just setting up for the future but it's kinda dull. It's written well enough that you can read it to pass the time, but it's not engrossing. With how it's going so far, i feel it'll only get interesting once we hit the MCU. At the moment it's very much a generic HP story, so I have hopes for the MCU and elemental magic.
At the very least, it's a decent story. A lot better than the trash usually found on this site.
