Review Detail of Sigheti in La Serpiente, Foxy cursed bride in CEO Ghost's lair
Review detail
With much enthusiasm and avidity the the author presents us with an engaging story. The storyline, as well as the presentation and design of the characters throughout the story, continue to be appealing and winsome. Sadly, I do have to add that there are some mistakes concerning grammar and vocabulary - and that 's alright, everyone makes them - yet I believe it is a pity since this work has some potential. It simply needs to be polished into the gem it might be. Overall, I find it to be a relaxing and engaging read, very suited for this platform. I wish you a lot of fun continuing your story.
La Serpiente, Foxy cursed bride in CEO Ghost's lair
Aysel_Inara
Liked by 2 people
LIKEReplies7
The way you compose your sentences is sometimes rather peculiar, and due to this your reader may sense some distortion as they read. If I may give an example from your latest chapter; Syna was unable to remain calm, first she was really happy in getting the position of being Sinclair's secretary. (Syna was unable to remain calm. At first, she had been really happy about getting the position of secretary.) She had (she had had) an air of confidence around her to get something big soon. (Due to getting something of such capacity this soon in her career) But her world crumbled down immediately (you don’t need ‘immediately’) just within a few days, that now (now that) she had to marry someone whom she did not love. She was destined to be the bride of some fucking Ghost King. Who showed up (had shown up) into her life out of nowhere along with unveiling the secret of her birth and the gruesome curse, which was certainly unreasonable. (Cut this sentence into two) She did not know the answers of the questions bearing 'why' and 'how' the unbelievable curse was (had instead of was) landed on her. But she felt it unfair to marry someone whom she did not know or can't (couldn’t) even acknowledge as a normal human being "No, no. It can't be true, magic does not exist let alone some fucking Ghost King." (This doesn’t seem like something someone would say aloud, it sound stiff) I may have left some minor mistakes for what they were as this was a quick edit and I did not take the time to reread it several times. I do hope that this helped you at least a bit.
Aysel_Inara:Elaborate grammatical lackings please? (☆_☆) I'm eager to improve those, and yes planning to polish out these chapters before moving further. Thank you for making out time for this precious review ❤💪
Your first few lines; Love is often associated with a sweet feeling, butterflies in (your) stomach, an (the instead of an) abnormal beating of (your) heart upon seeing your beloved. What if I say Love (why is love capitalised?) is a poison! (I feel as if you don’t need the exclamation to get your point across) These volcanic emotions are venom. What if I say Love (capitalisation?) isn't something which you experience by (due to instead of by) Cupid's arrow but by (due to) a snake, a venomous snake. (Even with the edit, this sentence may sound a bit uncanny) What if I say this heated passion is the venom of love and (that) you are definitely going to die of it. I hope it is not to imprudent of me to suggest the following; play with your wording and try to write in a certain rhythm. Try perhaps; Love is often associated with a sweet sensation, and by poets described as the fragile rustle of butterfly wings in your stomach, the abnormal beating of your heart upon seeing your beloved, and the sensation as though your chest is being constricted- so that you are unable to breathe. What if I were to tell you that love is a poison. That these volcanic yet captivating emotions are venom. It isn't something which you experience due to Cupid's arrow whereas it is set in motion by a snake’s inveigling; the venomous game that we call love. What if I were to tell you that this vehement adoration is the rancour of love and that you shall lay down your life in its wake.
Sigheti:The way you compose your sentences is sometimes rather peculiar, and due to this your reader may sense some distortion as they read. If I may give an example from your latest chapter; Syna was unable to remain calm, first she was really happy in getting the position of being Sinclair's secretary. (Syna was unable to remain calm. At first, she had been really happy about getting the position of secretary.) She had (she had had) an air of confidence around her to get something big soon. (Due to getting something of such capacity this soon in her career) But her world crumbled down immediately (you don’t need ‘immediately’) just within a few days, that now (now that) she had to marry someone whom she did not love. She was destined to be the bride of some fucking Ghost King. Who showed up (had shown up) into her life out of nowhere along with unveiling the secret of her birth and the gruesome curse, which was certainly unreasonable. (Cut this sentence into two) She did not know the answers of the questions bearing 'why' and 'how' the unbelievable curse was (had instead of was) landed on her. But she felt it unfair to marry someone whom she did not know or can't (couldn’t) even acknowledge as a normal human being "No, no. It can't be true, magic does not exist let alone some fucking Ghost King." (This doesn’t seem like something someone would say aloud, it sound stiff) I may have left some minor mistakes for what they were as this was a quick edit and I did not take the time to reread it several times. I do hope that this helped you at least a bit.
Sigheti:The way you compose your sentences is sometimes rather peculiar, and due to this your reader may sense some distortion as they read. If I may give an example from your latest chapter; Syna was unable to remain calm, first she was really happy in getting the position of being Sinclair's secretary. (Syna was unable to remain calm. At first, she had been really happy about getting the position of secretary.) She had (she had had) an air of confidence around her to get something big soon. (Due to getting something of such capacity this soon in her career) But her world crumbled down immediately (you don’t need ‘immediately’) just within a few days, that now (now that) she had to marry someone whom she did not love. She was destined to be the bride of some fucking Ghost King. Who showed up (had shown up) into her life out of nowhere along with unveiling the secret of her birth and the gruesome curse, which was certainly unreasonable. (Cut this sentence into two) She did not know the answers of the questions bearing 'why' and 'how' the unbelievable curse was (had instead of was) landed on her. But she felt it unfair to marry someone whom she did not know or can't (couldn’t) even acknowledge as a normal human being "No, no. It can't be true, magic does not exist let alone some fucking Ghost King." (This doesn’t seem like something someone would say aloud, it sound stiff) I may have left some minor mistakes for what they were as this was a quick edit and I did not take the time to reread it several times. I do hope that this helped you at least a bit.
Sigheti:Your first few lines; Love is often associated with a sweet feeling, butterflies in (your) stomach, an (the instead of an) abnormal beating of (your) heart upon seeing your beloved. What if I say Love (why is love capitalised?) is a poison! (I feel as if you don’t need the exclamation to get your point across) These volcanic emotions are venom. What if I say Love (capitalisation?) isn't something which you experience by (due to instead of by) Cupid's arrow but by (due to) a snake, a venomous snake. (Even with the edit, this sentence may sound a bit uncanny) What if I say this heated passion is the venom of love and (that) you are definitely going to die of it. I hope it is not to imprudent of me to suggest the following; play with your wording and try to write in a certain rhythm. Try perhaps; Love is often associated with a sweet sensation, and by poets described as the fragile rustle of butterfly wings in your stomach, the abnormal beating of your heart upon seeing your beloved, and the sensation as though your chest is being constricted- so that you are unable to breathe. What if I were to tell you that love is a poison. That these volcanic yet captivating emotions are venom. It isn't something which you experience due to Cupid's arrow whereas it is set in motion by a snake’s inveigling; the venomous game that we call love. What if I were to tell you that this vehement adoration is the rancour of love and that you shall lay down your life in its wake.
Thank you kindly. If you like them; you are welcome to use them. They aren’t mine after all. They are, fair and simply put, your work with but a bit of editing.
Aysel_Inara:Iiishhh 😍 your words🔥
Sigheti:Thank you kindly. If you like them; you are welcome to use them. They aren’t mine after all. They are, fair and simply put, your work with but a bit of editing.