Item: Are you my husband?
Rating: 4.4
Author: Clowniac

ClowniacLv45yr

2019-09-24 09:30

So, after reading through what you have so far, I think you have an interesting kernel of a world going on here, and I'm digging the overall sense of the characters you're creating! Two things I would suggest that would take your writing to the next level- First, show characters doing things and having things happen to them that reveal their character traits and histories, rather than just telling us about them. That makes a story much more engaging! Second, I can tell you are not a native English speaker by how you use verbs. You do not conjugate them, and use the same tense in all uses, which tells me you natively speak a language that doesn't do this with verbs like we do. I know Japanese is like this and I'm sure others are as well. I would read up on how to conjugate English verb tenses, and practice them until they feel natural. That will take your writing from decent to good in a heartbeat! Thanks for writing, friend!

Are you my husband?

Empress_Ai

4.6

37 Chs

Liked by 1 people

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