Here's some constructive criticism, this story's format has issues which make it boring to read almost like a robot wrote it, first issue i have is the author keeps writing actions and events in the story in a past tense that has neither elements from a third person or a first person perspective and also has no clear MC or character introduction that is properly done, the author isn't asking himself and comparing to other fiction novels things like having a proper arc of events or perhaps having decent backstory and introductions to the characters with emotions that portray their personality instead of just typing "name : Mark Welsh sex: male blah blah blah" stupid character sheets for introductions for characters lazily and typing stuff with no excitement or perspective robottically "the tank would fire shells at x" instead of "one could hear across the battlefield a tank emptying its shells rapidly at x with explosions from the shells hitting all around its general area throwing carnage and blood and guts everywhere" it doesn't take much there to be descriptive the author needs to stop being lazy and rewrite everything so it's actually readable, and also learn how to write a good story for once.
Liked by 7 people
LIKEJust two chapters in and I couldn't read anymore
Thank you for the advise. This is my first story I have ever done in my life. The beginning was slow to get going. It has been one hell of a learning curve so far and I been getting better in the later chapters. The pass tense, your not the first person to bring that up. Been working on that, idk why brain keeps going down that route. Again, thank you
Dont listen to this giy hehas been reading to much Chinese novel that he thinks it is normal to be descriptive of everything. If you follow his advice you would be increasing the number of pages you make but at the same time there will be to much worthless info dump. You just need to pu what is important and what may matter in the future plot. As for being descriptive. Doing it for special moments would be enough.
honestly its pretty impressive you can continue a story for this long,. especially for your first book. keep in mind that since its your first book you are just trying to find what works and what doesn't work, how you like to write, how you deal with criticism constructive or not, how you want to improve if your consciously trying to improve, (etc).
Thank you. The reply/comment system on this site sucks, just saw this. Some of it is me figuring this out while I go but I do have ideas and a story I been following, not just making things up as I go just to continue the story. So thank you
your welcome. It was more for whoever read the review to just give you some slack and to have them realize that there is a good chance most, or more likely some of the problems will change, if not in this book your next if you write another that is.
