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Zehell2218
Zehell2218Lv125yr
2019-07-07 15:31

the plot is unique it's a plus point for this but I wonder why in chapter 2 it use 'I' but later use 3'rd person POV? Also simple suggestion since I read this in app, the paragraph made is too long. It's quite uncomfortable reading it so please cut down the paragraph into short one. Grammar is ok it can be edited but please try not to only add 'He asked', 'he said', 'he answered' u can use variety to conversation as not to make it boring. Keep it up u got potential!

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Replies3
Younus_Mohammed
Younus_MohammedLv4

Yu

PonjuPonju
PonjuPonjuLv4

The answer: Oops!

Daoist513202
Daoist513202Lv15

馃憤馃

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