webnovel
Chryiss
ChryissLv55yr
2019-04-18 02:26

Updates: 5 Writing, Characters, World: 4 Plot: 3 Firstly, the writing is good overall. I’m I don’t see a lot of weird word tense and phrasing. The only errors are minor, usually punctuational with the rare misspell (typing error it looks like). Although the characters lack in thoughts and identification of their motivations and beliefs (inner mind and deeper personality), they’re described physically well and act in relatively distinctive manners. The biggest obstacle holding them back at this point is the plot. While the world is pretty well established, it’s often in the form of info dumps. (I myself have this problem since I made mine really complex/detailed.) Whole chapters or almost the entire chapter, are dedicated to background on the world and its current situation with the beasts. More weaving of info snippets into the actual progression the story would be better as the chapters with actual fighting and action are the best. At this point, the plot has moved very little. And at the end of the last chapters, it seems to deviate into lots of dreams—which I imagine are important considering the first chapter in MC’s past life, but they should be connected into one chapter rather than spread out in short passages. It’s hard to piece together what’s exactly happening/the significance of those dreams otherwise. —and a lot of time and perspective shifts. I’m a fan of allusions and mysterious characters that go initially unnamed, but there was a tad too much mystery for me to form a coherent idea of what was happening or had happened. So with world info weaved into plot progression, restructuring of the mysteries and dreams, and character introspection, I can see this becoming a really good story—like the initial statement of making this story somewhat atypical of the isekai genre. Good potential, keep at it!

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Other Reviews
JohnnyKbca
JohnnyKbcaLv4

When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score, save for newbie writers to whom I give two. Writing Quality 5: I only noticed some small errors such as forgetting apostrophes or not capitalized "I", but nothing too serious. Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5. And yes, I mostly copypasted this category from my previous reviews and will do the same with future ones. Story Development 3: The story flows well and there are some exciting moments but it never really managed to engage me. If I had to guess why, I would say it was the clichés, which made me feel I've read this story before. Lots of them crumped together, especially at the beginning. You have the loli imouto who is in love with her --NOT blood related-- brother. The harsh, loli teacher who --is not clear yet, but probably-- is actually an *****. The magical battle high school to train students against demon beasts. Underestimated MC and random mobs whose only function is to belittle and later to awe at MC's actions. To be clear, I don't think cliches are necessarily bad, as they give a sense of familiarity to the reader, which allows them to focus on other parts of the story. Unfortunately, these other parts also didn't make me engaged. Character Design 2: I didn't particularly like or dislike the story aspect. This one though... The characters are mostly generic, showing little to no personality. The MC is bland, though not as much as Ayato, the non-threatening male "friend". His other “friend” is Akane, the Osananajimi who recognizes the MC while he initially doesn't remember her. As for the quotation marks, it’s because even calling them friends seem to be a bit of a stretch. That’s because most of their interactions are just there to advance the plot. The other characters aren’t any better, with only Miyuki being mildly interesting. World Background 4: The world is well detailed, but the way said details are told could be improved. The world building is done mostly through infodumps, which can make the reader skip through it or lose interest. A tip would be to cut out as much as you can and spread the rest through the story. Another would be to add the character’s thoughts or opinions in between. Not only it will break the feeling of reading a wall of text, as it will also provide good opportunities to show more of the character’s personality. Review score (5+5+3+2+4)/5 = 3.8 Score given = (5+5+4+3+5)/5 = 4.4

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