I like how the novel starts off with a lot of action! As an English teacher, I have some advice if you don't mind me sharing though: I've noticed that you tend to switch back and forth between present-tense and past-tense very often. This can be distracting when trying to immerse yourself, and it can interrupt the flow when you're trying to form a mental image of what's happening. Likewise, the vast majority of published novels are written entirely in past-tense, as past-tense words have stronger undertones in the reader's mind when forming mental images. (The only exception to this past-tense restriction is dialogue.) You can see this from all of the top novels in the power rankings, such as 'My Vampire System' and 'Supreme Magus' - they're written entirely in past-tense, without switching back and forth between present-tense and past-tense, unless it's in dialogue. Very few novels are written in present-tense. To take some examples from the first chapter: "A couple more wolves were taken Victim..." (past-tense) "At this rate, those victimized wolves are lucky if they die quick now." (present-tense) "The battle worked for Woldemir's favour..." (past-tense) "...but it's not over yet!" (present-tense) "Three wolves were taken victim..." (past-tense) "...but five more are still standing..." (present-tense) "Looking behind, he noticed..." (past-tense) "...that Eric is somehow..." (present-tense) Also, I've noticed that you tend to capitalize nouns even though they aren't proper nouns. Like with "encouraging his Horse to run faster" and "A Natural enemy," or "The Wagon behind Woldemir." You don't need to capitalize nouns unless they are name or a part of a title. For me personally, I can't read past one or two chapters without stopping, as it's just too distracting. I do think that fixing these two issues would increase the number of new and dedicated readers, though it would take a lot of work to go through everything. That being said, the writing has a lot of potential, so I'm giving it a 5-star rating anyways.
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Hello, I've noticed the problems too and I'm writing down notes about it, on the fourth official editing session for book 1, I will make all the improvements. Thank you for your time and the review, it contributes into making the Electus series stronger than ever. - MisterE05
Feel free to check the first ever prequel of this series, it goes by the name of "Calidum Lutum Migration". It's new and now is the best time for improvement, would appreciate your help on it.
