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S4berLv35yr
2019-09-22 16:51

it's not too bad but a lot of the time I feel it's really cliche and moves too fast. Also when he crafts things nothing interesting happens it's kinda like "First this then this then that finally this" and it gets pretty repetitive and boring

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FiaranLv14

I have been mostly enjoying the story. I have quite an ability to suspend disbelief and just go along with the flow of a story. I like the characters, the backstories and families. But the writing is killing me. Since I started reading web novels, I have gradually acquired the ability to ignore typos and poor grammar to a large extent, but since stories magically turn into three-dimensional movies or holograms in my head, I have great difficulty with behavior of characters that seems preposterous or caricaturish (if that is a word.) They kick me out of my 3D movie and remind me that this is just words. The main character laughs and chuckles every second time he opens his mouth, frequently described as "lowly"." To quote Inigo Montoya, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lowly = of humble or base birth. It has nothing to do with sound volume. Also people sigh, loudly, frequently. In real life people sigh because they are frustrated, disappointed, depressed or really tired, and it's considered rude or a comment. One character laughs then sighs two seconds later. Another sighs, chuckling. Try doing that. It's not possible. The worst one is the use of the word "softly" with just about every smile in the first 20 chapters. Softly implies intimacy. Smiling softly is something you would do during a touching moment with a loved one, or while looking down at your newborn baby. It's not something a stranger does to someone they meet the first time for an interview. Reading the softly smiling over and over again gave me the creeps, like I'm reading about a serial killer softly smiling at the knife he just used to slice the throat of his latest victim, or fondling the organ he removed as a trophy. Yuck!!!! Author, please learn the many different types of smiles, and that the only time people laugh so much when they interact with others is when they're nervous, flirting, or are Santa Claus, paid to say ho ho ho. If you could remove the strange emoting the characters are doing, I'm sure I could spend most of my time enjoying my 3D movie of your story. I suggest you do some people watching. For instance, you don't talk about hand gestures at all. A lot of people talk with their hands. They also fiddle with their hair, and touch things and people around them. You also don't mention body language at all. I don't mean that you have to add all of those at the same time, just sprinkling in a little of all of them at different times brings characters to life.

ZelinkerLv11

I've read up to chapter 400 so far and I would say this story is ok at best. The author goes into a lot of detail with describing the things the MC is doing while crafting, which at the start I thought was good and even necessary to sort of lay the foundation and give the reader a better understanding of what was happening, as well as visualize the crating process. What I didn't like is that the author continues to write about crafting in great detail like this for the rest of the story. Now there's nothing wrong with the crafting aspects in these kind of stories, in fact I enjoy the crafting parts a lot. The problem is there is not enough action/adventure or story development taking place to balance out the crafting aspect and it gets tiresome to read. The beginning of the story was decent as the MC first enters the game prior to its official release and reaches his first town where he begins crafting in the various styles like smithing, leather working, tailoring, alchemy etc. This goes on for a few dozen chapters, and just when it's starting to get boring, the MC leaves the first town and starts traveling. Then the story picks up a bit and gets more interesting for a little while, until the MC goes to sea to reach some islands. At this point the pacing of the story takes a dramatic plunge and is almost completely focused on crafting during the voyage with only a few plot developments for about 150 chapters, and became painful to read. After the MC finally reaches the islands the story starts gets interesting again for a little while, before falling right back into monotonous crafting. As for the MC's life irl, most of it I found boring, unnecessary, and during one part, even offensive. I was holding out, hoping the story would get better after other players started entering the game, but by chapter 400 the game hasn't even been opened to the public yet, and I'm probably going to drop this. For some, this might be a good story, but it just didn't suit my tastes. If you're looking for a good story with the right balance of action/adventure, story development, and crafting, I would highly suggest reading "Overgeared" instead of this.

FortiganLv3

Some advice for the Author. Please note that this is meant as constructive criticism, not complaining, as I love the story. You really need to get an English Thesaurus to broaden your vocabulary and help find more appropriate descriptive words. I know others have spoken to you about "lowly" being used improperly already (should word swap every instance of "lowly" with "softly"), but some other words are really out of place as well. For example; "nodding furiously in agreement". Furiously is a word normally used to describe a degree of anger. It "can" be used to describe intensity, but "nodding furiously" will throw off your readers because it implies anger (check the definition of the root word "fury" to better understand why). There are several other words that would better describe the visual you were intending, such as "vigorously", "energetically", "excitedly", or "swiftly". Another issue I've found is when you add "ity" to the end of a word instead of "ness". For example; "genuinity" is not a word, but "genuineness" is. Likewise "nervosity" is not a word, but "nervousness" is. Lastly, you occasionally use the word "light" incorrectly, and should use "slight" instead. For example; "light grin" should be "slight grin". Light in this situation is used to describe a form of measurement, but not degree of something. Such as volume or weight, but not a degree of intensity. In this case a "slight grin" would mean a partial grin or a grin to a lesser degree. To be honest, English is a very dumb language that breaks it's own rules a lot when it comes to proper grammar. You can't rely on word definitions alone to fully grasp English grammar either, so I would highly recommend seeking out a native English speaking editor to assist you in this area. All that being said, I absolutely love your story. You have a lot of creative talent and I greatly appreciate the work you have put into this novel. I'm a freelance editor and if I had the spare time right now I would offer my services to you. Perhaps at a later date I might be able to assist if you are interested and still lack an editor.

Wolf9Lv1

I've dropped this novel at the point when they are building the boat. I won't talk about the good parts of the story as they have been mentioned in many reviews, but only what i didn't like about it. First thing i didn't t like is the MC. His actions and they way he plays don't feel to me like an old mans at his 60s-70s, bases on how seriously he acts and plays the game. Secondly, the pacing of the story is bad. On the one hand, the story doesnt stay stagnant and things do happen, wether its crafting, fighting or interacting with people in the game(npcs or players). On the other hand, its ~200 chapters and the GAME is not even open for the public, and from some other review its not at ~400 chapters either. Lastly, i don't like the game you created. For me multiplayer games comes hand to hand with competition, whether thats pvp or getting a first clear on a dungeon. And your game destroys any chance of competition the further it goes. You have players with literally months of advantage before the game opens, 5 of them that are destined to be the best of the 5 elements of the game from the very start and then you get all 5 of them together to form a guild. How is anyone gonna compete with that? Moreover, the "slots" for the main questline are filled before even the game goes live. The first plotline has to do about the war of two sides if dragons through their champions and 2 of the "good" ones have already been picked by chapter 200. What made me drop the novel was that lack of fairness and chance for the general player to compete for any kind of lead in the game.

RhysmerLv15
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