webnovel
Space_Fox
Space_FoxLv136yr
2019-04-22 06:55

You use the "..." way too much, in a chapter you used it 35 times, 35 TIMES, basically every 2 lines. Some chapters start with a useless monologue about depression, killing and humanity for no reason, it's fine if you want a chapter that start like that, but you cant put it every 3 chapters; it became overused and annoying as it goes on. In volume 1, gluttont randomly appears for no fucking reason and story goes full retard. The most forced thing I have ever read. Characters and situation randomly appears because it's convenient. The story started good and it became a mess..

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Other Reviews
FrostByte47
FrostByte47Author

When I first wrote this Fanfic, I had no clue how to properly pace and create a nice flow of a story. So I ended up with this trash heap. When I wrote chapter one I was half awake. It had no direction at all I just wanted to write something to cure my boredom and add a touch of creativity after or before my boring ass job. The end result was... The first volume is a ****ty mess. The second one was passable but had a lot of flaws. mainly being dragged on without a nice and steady flow. Some negative reviews you see here are mostly right. The first one being the MC changing his character to suit the situation. The scenes aren't described properly. It's mostly tell than showing, half of the scenes lack description and believability. The appearance of certain people we're abrupt and don't make sense. It's a straight up dumpster fire. Although it improved in time it's still in that limbo where I'm extremely unsatisfied. It became another rehashed sad past Harem boy who goes into another world bullcrap. That had small philsophy injected into it to make it feel mature and ****. And Apparently I use ellipses a lot. Like a **** ton. Volume two was where I got my groove on. Still feels lacking because it lacks punch. Some viewed it as boring, because of all the dragged on dialogues, But I found it a little more profound. Revealing character through dialogue. To each his own I guess. Near the end of the volume is where I found a steady pace of action and flow. From weeby Harem boy stardust crusader to an actual flawed character. The story I visualized was slowly taking shape. It was less of a Generic Harem Novel and more of the exploration of the human condition. A slightly unprofessional deconstruction of the harem genre. Also a far off vision of an extended universe. Then the vision was cut short. I got busier by the day took on more overtime. Got exhausted and quit my job. Got a new one slowed my pace down a little. Which eventually stopped me from churning more updates. Now a year later. I feel like I wanna give this one another try. Thanks for reading till the end. Hope you stick around to read the improved version.

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